Vision Over Goals

Two years ago when Pallav and I had sat over a cup of coffee at Kuzart Lane and discussed doing something - I'm not quite sure we knew what it meant or what we wanted out of it. For me it was rather a challenge - something I had to do. The back story in a nutshell is when I was in school I wanted to start a business of my own; I wanted to prove to my family amongst many others that "I can". I hated how people simply assumed, I wasn't capable of it. Now don't assume my family looked at me as a dud guy, I was quite casual with life - I mean to an extent I still am. I like to do things because they interest me, not because they hold any greater value. Anyway, 17 and charged me along with two of my mates decided to go ahead and start a venture of our own - which failed. Needless to say, I wasn't going to stop. I told one of them, that I will get something on and I'll go somewhere with it.

Now understand something - Together For A Cause isn't a business. Not quite yet. We're working out our product. And we're working very hard for it. I have seen the look people give me when I tell them I work with an Youth Led Organization and I intend to make money. I don't get it. I mean - I have always believed in life you have to give back to the people who helped you reach where you are. Sometime it's your family, sometime friends, sometime it's the world. In my case, it was all three.

But this post ins't about the concrete idea of what we intend to become. This is of much more value. It's about where we were, and where we have come to. It's a journey that I know only starts now - but seeing this length I know it's going to be nothing short of thrilling, yet sheer hard work. Two years ago, when I had my first meeting with a team - who much like myself had no idea what to do - were just engaged and engulfed with a reason to do something met me. I the novice self, was lost in the idea of ranks and hierarchy - elsewhere the core idea of work and a vision suffered. That's fine however, I don't quite mind - a young blood, full of ambition - I started backwards - and I know I'm moving forwards which is fine. 

It was a tough first meeting - I was scared to death of our Research Head. She was older, smarter, and I knew she knew better. That in my head and the knowledge that I'm to lead in my heart - having never done that before (well at least in this circumstance. And then came meetings and meetings and meetings. As I said young blood - I was also stupid. I was over my head of the initial response (not success) of what I was doing and I assumed this will function. The problem however remained there was no product. It was all intangible.

I became arrogant, wrong, and to sum it up - a butthole. I was managing the whole organization in the worst possible manner. I had no idea of what I was doing (or at least in retrospect it seems) and I was trying to make something of nothing. Till a point in time when the whole thing came to a haul. For a long time. And I thought this is it. One more of my endless part-time adventures. Which ended in nothing but futile efforts. But then it hit me. Together For A Cause isn't "Nirjhar". It's not "I". And it's most definitely not "mine". It's about a team which had worked timelessly and with all their heart and soul which I would let down if I didn't pick up my game. That an organization does not run simply because of one person - who leads. But because of leaders who work twice as hard than you to make sure your work is easier. At that point I realized much had to change. We couldn't be a team with aimless working and just ideas and no product. Withing a scope of 2 months from that deadlock we had a classroom in collaboration with Save The Quest in the National Association for the Blind. Where we met bunch of wonderfully talented kids, who taught us that world is indeed beautiful - and you need not see it to understand that.

Eight - None months from that deadlock - I can assure you - we're to hit many more speed bumps. But these stop overs are the only thing that make the journey more meaningful. We're expanding the three other locations with over 5 classrooms in hand. And we will grow only bigger in size and opportunity. We have lost a lot of people in the organization - who expected better of us and we couldn't stand to that, others who found better venues. And we thank them all. They have indeed made Together For A Cause what it is. They helped us build ideas, network, and most of all - people management. Today, we're stronger as team and I'm stronger as a part of that. We're not one, but we're all.

The world wasn't changed by those who said they'll try. It's not for those who think they can. It's for those who go out and find out. People have called me crazy to dream so big. And I know I haven't done much. But I know one thing in my heart, if I don't dream big - I'll never wake up to big reality. And that I will never compromise on.

"If they wanted money they would have asked for it. They wanted something bigger, more persistent - Success."

I'll Leave The Light On For You

I think all of us have our fears, shares of it that we share others which we simply keep to ourselves. I'm about complete another major chapter of my life - and fears are unlimited. It's extraordinary how much lives can change overnight. And I mean 'Overnight'. I'm halfway through my 5th semester, and I'm contemplating so many things and I can't even figure out what to do and how to go about it. I have college which I definitely need to finish. My parents would be happy, I'd be shocked, my bucket list would get one more tick. I mean this probably sounds like I'm a gangster and I have no hope - but that's true. I'm a smart motherfucker, I'm just lazy and into too much rushing towards the end of the rainbow types. 

But what really does scare me is losing out on people. I'm very scared that two years down the line my girlfriend will shift another city and would move out. Now there's nothing wrong with that and I want her to do that if that's the smartest thing to do. The only problem is, I just don't want her to be gone forever. Now I know there are many people who'd slit a throat at "Long Distance Relationships", but I know there are many who'd say it works. My parents for example - My father is stationed abroad and mother stays back with the family here in India. It's been almost 2 years like that. But even Ma misses Baba. You know how I know? Because everyday all she does is waits for his phone calls and 10.30 p.m. at night when she can Skype with him and we all collectively await when he comes down for couple weeks a year to visit us. And I get it, my parents are in love and they have never had to stay so far away from each other. It's awful. I can't imagine doing it, imagine them actually sacrificing so much for the family. But coming back to Mallika, i.e., my girlfriend - I quite don't know how I'd react if that situation ever arises. I did however give it a thought few times. I know she's really keen on leaving this town and perhaps go down to Bombay to pursue her masters. Then the question is that of a moral dilemma. I would want her to stay because I know somewhere in my heart it'll give the the closure of compassion and the fact that I'd get to see her, literally whenever I want to. Meet her, take her out, love her, bunk in with her, watch a movie with her, kiss her. But when you think of that in perspective to what's best for her - maybe in that case she should leave. And I'm not really in a position to ask her otherwise. I'd probably be scared (I guess I already am), hurt, angry but I'd be always supporting that decision if made. I think it's natural to feel the negativity - who wants to stay away from those they love? But in time that also heals, people make mends and people stick. 

At the end of the day I guess we're all just scared that we'd be alone. I'm scare I'd be alone. So I know when I come back home and she isn't there and her clothes are scattered all around the floor, I'd leave the lights on for her. I'd let her follow me back when she's found all that she was looking for. I know she'd come back to me. And I'll do I guess what I can - either follow her to where she is, or wait here patiently with my doors open and lights on - hoping she'd see it and come back. Love is more than petty fights and cute conversations. It's gray feelings, mixed emotions and thoughts you're always so scared off. But it's that also. It's also the rainy day we all want to avoid. But then again, sun does come up. 

Mothers!

My mother believes she's Superwomen.

She thinks she can fix everything

and when things can't be fixed 

she thinks she fix that.

She knows that when she tells me that it'll be alright

I'll believe her, because we all know

nothing is better than a mother telling you that.

My mother also believes in things.

Things that only she believes in

and probably are not even believed by my grandmother

but she'd want you to work according to it anyway

she'd tell you

don't leave the house now, wait a bit longer

or get a haircut, your fever will be alright

things only she can make sense of

but it's alright that's what's special about her

My mother doesn't want much,

she wants to be just loved and appreciated

and I think I fail at that at times.
I think there are times I think I'm so grown up

that I really just start behaving like a 13 year old boy

And my mother gets hurt, because she keeps on trying

without fail, and I guess that's what makes her

the mother you need, because she'd love you

even when you're being an asshole.

But my mother knows,

that even though we're fighting

and even though we're at each other's throat

I love her. That's who I am. I've always loved her.

She taught me things that no one else has.

She taught me compassion.

She taught me that love someone. But wholeheartedly.

She taught me to forgive.

She taught me that you can be who you want.

She taught me to be better man.

She taught me, a better man doesn't mean you can't be an asshole.

She taught me, being an asshole doesn't mean you can't a good man.

She's taught me how to be strong when things are falling apart.

She taught me never to lose hope.

She taught me never to lose.

She taught me how to live.

And often times, and mostly always

I forget to tell her how much I love her.

And how much she has taught me. 

But I know she knows.

My mother thinks, she's never wrong.

Now I know where I get that from

but you see, she is 

She is wrong, and she's not perfect

and she makes mistakes.

and there are times when she wont accept it.

And then my mother and I will fight.
But if I can tell you a secret

that's us, that's who we are

we're two people who fight and love

and work in this dysfunctional way.

My mother has a very different opinion on child discipline

It mostly includes

beating the shit out of with a ruler, or maybe belt or maybe

every once in a while if you think taking shower is bitch, why not try drowning the kid.

But you see, that's most of the Bangali parents.

Hell I think that's all of Indian Parents.

So don't judge, my mother loves me.

But my mother is beyond all of that,

she's sometimes over the edge with her inquisitiveness

but I don't really mind cause I know she only wants to fit in

and bridge the generation gap

I've seen my mother go beyond who she is, to make me comfortable

and maybe I'm not the perfect son, actually I'm not

but I am a kid who does like the little things.

My mom thinks she can cook North Indian Food.

She can't. She sucks with it.

But I honestly don't have the heart to tell her.

She still can't get her chapati right.

Why burst her bubble. I don't want that guilt on me.

So maybe there are times when my mother isn't being all epic.

But there are times when she is.

And there times when she's just being "ma"

So when you come to me one day

to tell me I can't change the world,

think twice because my mother has told me otherwise

she maybe sheltered small dreams

but she never let me sleep with a sky that couldn't fit all the stars I wanted

she told me if I wanted the sky, I could have it

and if I could have it, I could work for it.

She never said road to happiness would be easy

she said it'll be worth it.

She also told me, life will get harder

and sometimes for a long long while

and I'd think that this is all that's there to it

but I should wait because things get better

because I can change the world.

So when you come to me to tell me the world's just too big to be changed

remember you're talking to the son of a Superwoman.

  

If I were Love.

If I were love,

I'd be free, I'd be exciting and happy

And be everything from a puppy dog to child with his happy meal toy

Because love is ultimately a feeling of joy and happiness

And a little Labrador and Miniom toys can fix everything. 

If I were love,

I'd know of stories of affairs and scandals

And past and history. 

Sometimes jealousy and lust,

Because love is an experience, some lessons but mostly mistakes. 

Perhaps brighter side is what we crave for,

That's why we look for lessons in our mistakes. 

But if I were love, 

I'd also be butterflies in the stomach

And the "I'll wait for him" throughout everything

I'll be looking for excuses to pass her by

And maybe even sometimes that blush from him saying hi to me.

Because love is many a thing, adulterated isn't one of them. 

If I were love, 

I'd be that first time he held my hand

And she bent for a kiss

Sometimes I could be also when he knew what I meant

Others when he wanted me all to himself.

After all, love is a summer rush we all have felt. 

What if I were love? 

Then I'd be so many future plans and everyday meetings

Unprecedented time spent, and unlimited missing. 

I could be some special night phone schemes,

I could maybe even be Facebook display pictures. 

I mean, what is love if you're not experiencing it. 

If I were love,

I'd be wearing his over grown tshirt and asking for her panties.

And maybe I could also be his aftershave and her favorite perfume. 

Because let's face it, we all love some smell of theirs. 

If I were love, I'd also be the first third base,

And some porn that I couldn't copy but tried anyway. 

If I were love I'd be the first unprotected sex and the first time she almost got pregnant. 

But if I were love, we'd probably not be stupid again and again. And again. Till we figured it out. 

Because that's what I would be. Stupid, learning and experiencing. 

But I know for a fact, that if I were love,

I'd be "I fucking hate your guts"

And "can you please shut up?"

A lot of times "god I need some space".

I occasionally would also become "fuck off"

I mean love has shades you know. I come in varieties. Why discriminate.

And if I actually were love,

Then in the next half an hour I'd be "baby I'm sorry, I didn't mean it" 

And she'd be like "No I'm sorry, you were rightly"

Always I'd end up being the make up kiss, and few times the make up sex. Otherwise I'm just sex.

I mean, who likes shades? Black and white. Always. 

Funnily, If I were love, 

I'd be some favorite couple from some movie

And I'd also be a song that describes the perfect relationship. 

I know I'd know of Zara. Even Men section. 

Or I could be period cycles, tampons and nailpolish brands. 

I could be thing, she needed me to know. 

I think if I were love, 

I'd also be extra effort, worth it feeling. 

A change and betterment too.

Sometimes even crush, build and survive a new person. 

After all, it's the progress that counts. 

If I were love I'd be all of that.

And I'm guaranteeing even more.

If I were love. 

Question is, are you love too?

Batman and Robin

Well unusual and an uncanny name indeed eh? Well, I’ll tell you why … Batman, because lately I have been telling my secret to a lot of people, so I figured I’d come outta the closet finally. Yes world, I AM Bruce Bayne, a.k.a. Nirjhar Bhattacharjee, a.k.a. Batman. Robin, because that was her name. NO, I am not here to discuss how accurately my life has been portrayed in The Dark Knight Rises, nor am I here to tell you about the comics. I have however a treat for all my readers here. And of course, when I say treat, I do intend to make a note that I’m taking a risk of comfort in stating the same. So apparently, this reader, and I’m hoping a fan, considering the nice message she had sent, asked me to write about something not from now, or today, or how things are in life. But about how they were, and how it felt. She asked me to write of my ‘first love’. Dear anonymous, firstly thank you for all that review you gave me. I’m obliged you read all that I had written, and well appreciate it. As everyone can see I’m not really a writer, or story teller. My failed attempts at writing are not more than anything but diary entries, so to all the readers kindly read it as that. As for love, well here we go:

Well, I practically believe and I know for a fact because I have seen it happen to me, that love happens to all of us for more than once. And to all those who’d debate that it were only infatuation, well I beg to differ. I mean, if a couple who were happily married for tenure of 20 years, but learnt that they have reached a point in this relationship where they no longer can feel about each other in the same way and wish to continue their kin-some relationship in a different context, and if it acts a prelude to a new relationship which prospers, of which there exist several real life accounts, do we discard it as stating infatuation or we give it a real sight thought of something magical. Something new. Well I’ll stick to my guns; let’s see if I can make you drop yours with that argument.

Irrespective, this really isn’t an argument; it’s more like a relapse to seventh grade. Now the story is rather funny, weird and always of so much of heart. I met her when I was in 5^th grade, and she had joined late in the year. We both were in American International School in Dhaka, Bangladesh. Well now in all honestly, I wasn’t exactly what you call on the top of the social ladder, hell I wasn’t even THERE on the social anything. I was like bad mix of Howard, Leonard and Sheldon – but with a life they’d really expect … you know social seclusion and all that. Such was elementary schooling … oh them days. So since 5^th grade till 7^th early-ish bit of it she didn’t like me. ONE BIT. And not just her, everyone. But well that did change in middle school, but that’s beside the point. By the time I came to seventh grade, life was much easier, I wasn’t the social masterpiece but well, at least there was some social convention and protocols that I could follow. You know how that goes, just go with the flow.

Now this is probably huge for a confession, but I don’t know, I don’t ever have considered this, but I don’t agree to this as a strong hypothesis: It wasn’t cheating. Here’s the story. So I had broken up with this girl, and I don’t know how but I started dating this other girl – VERY sweet, still is. And we’re good friends till date, but like after seeing her for 3 days, I was suppose to go for class trip to Hrishikesh, India – and so we did. The flight to New Delhi was no issue. Robin here on the other hand still doesn’t like me. Not ONE BIT! And neither did at the starting of the train journey. But as we were travelling down to Hrishikesh, she was sitting with Tanveer right behind me. Tan and I use to be damn good friends back then, think of it I do miss him a lot. Anyway, so out of poke and fun, we kinda kicked into a conversation, and I think that was it, it just hit me. That I don’t know what, but I really liked her. And I wanted to go ahead with it and be with her. And as weird as it seems, all the walls came down and there it was the naked truth. We both apparently liked each other. I don’t know what happened to the hatred that existed about like say 15 minutes away. But sure as hell I’m glad it did. So I can’t recall this part properly, but I believe I asked her out just RIGHT before we reached Hrishikesh, she had issues with that. Clearly, I was still seeing Suzanne. But then I promised, I’d go back and “fix it all” and I’d break it off afterwards, which I of course did and for a brief period, Suzanne did think I’m a dick. But since neither of us did anything, and it was I don’t know, just something I knew I had to, I don’t really think it’s cheating it was like four days long trip. 

Again so much I rattle on and on about long - arse stories, but this really isn’t about how we met, and how we were, I mean they might find certain mentions in this entry but that’s not the point. The point is Robin, and things I remember of her, and things that was precisely asked to me by ‘anonymous’ to write about: First Love.

So well it’s a lot things that kinda build up to it you know? I mean I had dated before (^clearly!) but the funny thing is, the only reason I really consider it to be you know the first time I ever felt that feeling is because I think it was for the first time that it was you know, genuine. I mean I was in seventh grade, dating was really just about a tag, a social competition, or getting some action. But then again, it wasn’t like that with Robin. It was different. In my entire life, and kid you not, there has been till date only twice that I’ve changed to and for better, and she was the first, the latter of course, the credentials of which belongs to Arushi! But in the first go, for the first time I realized relationships were more than a status symbol. It was actually about how you felt about someone. Well so there it was. She changed me, I realized it’s about that gutted feeling you get when you see someone, when it makes you almost wanna throw up, and surprisingly that’s not even the best part of the day. Where when they’d walk past you, it’d do wonders! When they’d hold your hands, you’d get happy and nervous, like happy nervous. You know? It wasn’t like summer love, but they’re the nicest you know? It was back then, real – For me at least. You know? I mean we lasted the summer only, because after that she shifted to Trinidad and Tobago, if I am not wrong, and I shifted to India (which was the last I heard from her – yep haven’t heard from her in almost 7 years now. Tried small talking, no replies – eh, don’t wanna come off as creepy now do I? Chances are this blog entry won’t help in that manner).

Things I remember of her – Hmmm, almost like nostalgia – you know? So many of them … Blonde hair, short, freckles, skin like porcelain, that distinctive smell of hers that I somehow remember, but I’m assuming that’s perhaps because olfactory senses are the strongest a human being possesses and the maximum memory relapse is due to a strong attachment or recollection of a smell. Her wet hair tied in a pony (I think that’s what it’s called) in the morning, they way it’d soak itself on my t-shirt in the morning when she’d clasp me so hard to hug her. The light blue jeans she had, and the very light umm, baby purple if any exists, like colored t-shirt. They way she’d laugh at odd things that I’d say. For the first time, someone was really proud of me. Never happened before that, you know? I felt very secure, protected, wanted and happy. I still remember the first time she kissed me on my cheeks, she and her girlies were swimming and she was heading off to the shower room and I was sitting at the bleachers talking to her afterschool, she called me close and kissed me on the cheeks. Cheesy, but I don’t know still recollect that. The way I felt when broke up and weren't getting back post the Hrisheskh trip, and they way I so wanted to ask her for out. How I did do so during the school dance. She was wearing a white t-shirt and a black skirt. That slow dance, the song I can’t recollect, but the first time she kept her head on my shoulder and I knew it then … this is just what I needed. She was my tiny dancer (yes, it’s a reference to the song that I’m listening to right now). The way I’d stay back in school, because I’d want to walk her home everyday, and there wouldn’t be another bus till like 4.30 p.m. so I’d get stuck for hours in school. How it didn’t matter. Her fancy curtains made out of sea shells that I broke and she got so pissed off. Her dog. How her father hated me. So did her brother. I loved her mom, feeling seemed mutual. Her room. How she scolded me when I had a 2.8 GPA. How she actually now that I look back took care of me. Watching ‘Apollo 13’ with her in Mr.Gayer or Ms.Luby’s class? A month before we knew we’d have to leave. And this wasn’t exactly the last-forever type of a thing! The insane bitter feeling. The last day when I was at Prateek’s place and we drove to hers. And I knew this would be the last bit of it. How she was laying on my lap. When I was leaving for home, and I just didn’t want to sit in the car. How I wanted to hug her one last time. That kiss I never did. The fights we had. The first ever e-mail she ever sent me. I still have a printed copy of it. That’s freaking 7 year old mail, look at that! Her middle name was ‘Felicity’. Her surname was a mix of Mr. Kerr and Mrs. Jones – Her parents (or the other way around). That last dance on her farewell party – ‘Here without you’. The truth or dare game that night. The just talking. Coming back to India and listening to this ‘Alter Bridge’ song that I don’t know what’s called anymore. That weird gift I got her, because I didn’t have money on me, and I was too scared to ask Ma about cash, because we Indians don’t really date when you know we’re 13-14 years old! Sorry about that, but I meant anything that I must’ve meant what I had said while giving it … if it counts!

Well, most of you reading, especially if (the margin of which is probably 0.0006 percent) Robin reading it, I don’t want you to think it’s creepy. I mean, even to all the readers … it’s just my first time of an experience of anything of that sort. It was candid, emotional, I mean you know? It was not the mom-and dad sort of love, heck it wasn’t the one that was like with you guys’ relationships with your respective partners, or mine and Arushi’s. Very juvenile. But very real, and heart melting. So I hope I don’t come off as creepy and now that think back, so many things run in my head of those days … things I can remember, oh boy! No wonder I’m majoring in History!

Anyway, that’s a good synopsis of her, what all I remember, and why these memories are special, and why it is you know the ‘first love’ sort of a thing. She taught me how to love someone. And I think it made me a better person, not materialistic sly, nor and over emotional freak. Just the right one. The one which made me meet the ones I never thought I would. This is not in ill taste of anyone I’ve seen afterwards, so kindly take it as that, it’s simply a requested recollection, and as I can say a fun activity to do so! Post which, I only feel battered, and deprived of an attachment. I really wish I was someone’s first love, I mean I might not be accurate, but someone would feel something close by, you know within the close proximity of how I have had felt … I’d be more than happy! Well, anyway … don’t worry about the punctuation, most of it was intentional, and thank you for reading (if you’ve reached this far – or at least wanted to!), and do like, share and feedbacks are the best!

Also, I’m attaching a list of songs that I’ve played throughout the write up of this article stretched over two nights (got late, had college in the morning had to sleep by four in the morning. And in order of course):

1.  What makes you beautiful - Boyce Avenue Cover
 
2.  Blurry - Puddle of Mud
 
3.  Hysteria - Muse
 
4.  Teenage Dream - Some beautiful voice, very manly look girl's cover.
 
5.  Jet Lag - Simple Plan Feat. Natasha Bedinfield
 
6.  Lazy Song - Bruno Mars
 
7.  Stereo Hearts - Gym Class Heroes feat. Adam Lavine
 
8.  Close to my fire - Slack Wax (BMW Ads)
 
9.  Suddenly I see - KT Tunstall
 
10.Yaarian - Mohan Kanan and Shilpa Roa
 
11.Payphone - Maroon 5 feat. Wiz Khalifa
 
12.Hedwig's Theme - Harry Potter OST
 
13.Coat of Many Colors - Dolly Parton
 
14.Best of You - Boyce Avenue Cover
 
15.Tiny Dancer - Elton John
 
16.Rough Landing Holly (Acoustic) - Yellowcard
 
17.Still your song - Goo Goo Dolls
 
18.Flightless Bird, American Mouth (Wedding Version)- Iron and Wine
 
19.Thunder - Boys like Girls
 
20.9 Crimes – Damien Rice
 
21.Our Song – Goodnight Nurse
 
22.Hanging by A Moment – Lifehouse
 
23.The Reason - Hoobastank
 
 

 
 
 
 

 

A Candid Conversation: Brain and Heart

Lazy night, not boring in particular, but extremely slow. It's 3.38 a.m. as I type and usually by the lull that I'm currently observing with no one on facebook chatting up, hardly 30-40 people online, the air conditioner cold enough to give me "chillys", pretty relaxed about the work (Currently making the Background guide for a Security Council I'm Vice Chairing, discussing Cuban Missile Crisis) and pretty much not sleepy, I'd safely assume it's 4.30 a.m. or more in the morning, but apparently! Ah well, I can't complain ... so I figured, I'd finish this piece that I had started earlier. Anyway, do read on, comment, like, and share on facebook. :)

Oh Brain! Baby it happened again,

I guess I should've listened to you.

But I promise you it's for the last time,

Hold on to my words for they're true!

Here you come running again,

Burned, bruised and hurting in pain.

What happened to all those last times,

that you had promised again and again?

For I was a fool, I couldn't understand

What you meant was only for my good!

But then I couldn't control myself

That feeling took over my mood.

I told you from the beginning,

you'd only lose your heart!

But of course what do I know of love?

You questioned my knowledge from the start!

Oh forgive me brain,

I was lost in the heat of the moment.

Once bitten twice shy,

It won't happen again and you know it!

Really heart, really?

Because I believe twice has a limited impression!

You've been bitten more and shameless time and again

For you don't learn your lesson!

But this time I really thought,

that I could make it work.

That she was the one I was looking for,

and this could be a brand new start. 

But that's how you feel everytime,

How does it change anything?

I told you not to fall for her,

And you went for the fling!

Ah! What do I tell you now,

she had the looks of an angel!
When she spoke my heart would melt,

and no longer could we be strangers!

Dear lord! She was nice, I never denied that,

but so was you guys' temper.

On and on you guys would fight,

And then that feeling became fainter!

I couldn't see, I couldn't tell

I just wanted to make it work out.

I thought we had one last shot,

And I traveled far too long in that route!

Oh I know darling, I know you tried,

to make it work and be happy!
But if happiness is not what you breathe,

Relationships can be a little tricky!

She made me smile, she made happy,

And I caused her so much pain!
But in the end it wasn't for us,

It was her as a friend, or all in vain!

For a change, you thought with "me",

and look where it took you!

You both might be hurt and in agony,

But I know it's not short of a Thank You!

Probably you're right, I should've listened

But I guess I just wasn't in the position.

But I know now what it is like,

Next time I'll have better reasons!

Oh like you mean those words, 

Of the ones that you say!
I wish you truly knew what it meant,

So listen to me, If I may?

Oh dear brain, forgive me,

I chose to be curious,

I can travel unseen roads with my sight

but think only with your sights of obvious!

Oh we'll remember her,

for she's such a fond title!

But don't ache like that because it's over,

Being strong right now is vital!

You're right, I'll make my peace,

I'll start a brand new chapter!
Never again shall I fall in love,

And foretell my happily ever after!

I know I will hear it again,

your stories of blushes and freed dove!

But come here let me clean you till then,

And stop you from bleeding love! 

A Street With No Name

Life has been kind of crazy lately, anyone who has read my last post would know that! But even beyond that, everything has been kind of crazy lately, with my father leaving the country for a while, my mom's health, work pressure, etc. And I honestly have been looking for certain activities, ah hell! any activity to keep myself wholesomely occupied with work. I love workload, it helps me be distracted and keep me and my mind off of the wrong things.

But, this post isn't about aforementioned (^) that content. I mean, that's important to be mentioned (and you'll find out why soon, so keep reading) and thus I did. It's about Kuzart Lane, a beautiful entrepreneurial venture started off by few fellas'. It's a prefect set up, and I have been to this part of Hauz Khas Village, New Delhi before ... but it never seemed quite so beautiful! I don't know if it's the ambiance, or the love. 

Anyway, with everything being at their devastating best, I came across this cafe called the Kuzart Lane. What happened was I had gone to attend an invitation at my friend, Pallav's house and then another of my friend Shivang who knew of this place took us there. And I think, it was just the right moment to know of that place you know? Cause we sat there for hours and just played music (Shivang is a phenomenal singer - must listen to him sometimes, and Arpit is excellent himself - have to listen to him too!), and the time just passed by so quickly. It was, is ... my sweet escape. That one part of the town, where I go to relax. Get some space for myself ... feel happy, elated. :)

But I can't really tell what clicks there you know? Is it the ambiance? Can be, a brilliant showcase for young talent who are showing off their art work, which is out of the world. As you walk through the lane towards the main shop, you see a scenery of magnificent hard-work and emotions ... my friend Shantam Goyal has put up some of his work there - and I insist whosoever has a chance, do go ahead and give it a glimpse. :) . Might also be the cafe, which has been solely done up by the owners themselves (or so am I told), the whole opportunity for sitting there, catching up, playing some songs, reminiscing the good times. It's perfect. Or is it, the food ... that also can be the case you see, they have phenomenal food. Have to try this off-the-record coffee. Ice American if I'm not wrong about the name ... it's the best heat beater you can have. And I have heard a lot about the "Hulk Burger". Haven't tried it yet, but I'm assuming that day aint to far away either. A little low on money now, but as soon as the MUN season start, I'm having that burger. :)

OR, is it the love. Which I sincerely believe might be the cause for it. Rukhsana Aunty, or as I call her - AUNTY! Who is currently managing the cafe, is woman, who at once makes you feel so close, so kin, so candid that you want to sit there, interact, enjoy. For me she was someone who seemed so nice and gentle, who let me and my friend sit there and literally customize the shop to the extent where we felt it was our shop almost. There were other customers who had come, but she didn't care ... she let us be. And there we were making music, enjoying ourselves. And pretty much jeopardizing the date of that couple who sat behind us, or in front of us ... I don't know ... we were all over the place, but I can tell, they had a hellovatime themselves. Not that bad for a date if you ask me. Or it can also be the fact, that aunty allows you to be close enough to her to have conversations that I personally don't think too many people have with strangers. The way she allowed me to walk into her life, and tell me about her father and how he had been diagnosed with cancer, and her invariably the most raw feeling of pain, the way she spelt it out to me ... it was touching, it was like she was willing to take a leap of faith and give me, and everyone who comes there to not just be part of this moment on that day, but be a part of a journey everyday.

So maybe it's the ambience, the name, the food, the fact that you can sit out and smoke in peace, the quietness of the place, simply Rukhsana Aunty, or just the fact that you can relax and unwind, forget and forgive. You, yes you my readers HAVE to go to Kuzart Lane - Do visit.