Batman and Robin

Well unusual and an uncanny name indeed eh? Well, I’ll tell you why … Batman, because lately I have been telling my secret to a lot of people, so I figured I’d come outta the closet finally. Yes world, I AM Bruce Bayne, a.k.a. Nirjhar Bhattacharjee, a.k.a. Batman. Robin, because that was her name. NO, I am not here to discuss how accurately my life has been portrayed in The Dark Knight Rises, nor am I here to tell you about the comics. I have however a treat for all my readers here. And of course, when I say treat, I do intend to make a note that I’m taking a risk of comfort in stating the same. So apparently, this reader, and I’m hoping a fan, considering the nice message she had sent, asked me to write about something not from now, or today, or how things are in life. But about how they were, and how it felt. She asked me to write of my ‘first love’. Dear anonymous, firstly thank you for all that review you gave me. I’m obliged you read all that I had written, and well appreciate it. As everyone can see I’m not really a writer, or story teller. My failed attempts at writing are not more than anything but diary entries, so to all the readers kindly read it as that. As for love, well here we go:

Well, I practically believe and I know for a fact because I have seen it happen to me, that love happens to all of us for more than once. And to all those who’d debate that it were only infatuation, well I beg to differ. I mean, if a couple who were happily married for tenure of 20 years, but learnt that they have reached a point in this relationship where they no longer can feel about each other in the same way and wish to continue their kin-some relationship in a different context, and if it acts a prelude to a new relationship which prospers, of which there exist several real life accounts, do we discard it as stating infatuation or we give it a real sight thought of something magical. Something new. Well I’ll stick to my guns; let’s see if I can make you drop yours with that argument.

Irrespective, this really isn’t an argument; it’s more like a relapse to seventh grade. Now the story is rather funny, weird and always of so much of heart. I met her when I was in 5^th grade, and she had joined late in the year. We both were in American International School in Dhaka, Bangladesh. Well now in all honestly, I wasn’t exactly what you call on the top of the social ladder, hell I wasn’t even THERE on the social anything. I was like bad mix of Howard, Leonard and Sheldon – but with a life they’d really expect … you know social seclusion and all that. Such was elementary schooling … oh them days. So since 5^th grade till 7^th early-ish bit of it she didn’t like me. ONE BIT. And not just her, everyone. But well that did change in middle school, but that’s beside the point. By the time I came to seventh grade, life was much easier, I wasn’t the social masterpiece but well, at least there was some social convention and protocols that I could follow. You know how that goes, just go with the flow.

Now this is probably huge for a confession, but I don’t know, I don’t ever have considered this, but I don’t agree to this as a strong hypothesis: It wasn’t cheating. Here’s the story. So I had broken up with this girl, and I don’t know how but I started dating this other girl – VERY sweet, still is. And we’re good friends till date, but like after seeing her for 3 days, I was suppose to go for class trip to Hrishikesh, India – and so we did. The flight to New Delhi was no issue. Robin here on the other hand still doesn’t like me. Not ONE BIT! And neither did at the starting of the train journey. But as we were travelling down to Hrishikesh, she was sitting with Tanveer right behind me. Tan and I use to be damn good friends back then, think of it I do miss him a lot. Anyway, so out of poke and fun, we kinda kicked into a conversation, and I think that was it, it just hit me. That I don’t know what, but I really liked her. And I wanted to go ahead with it and be with her. And as weird as it seems, all the walls came down and there it was the naked truth. We both apparently liked each other. I don’t know what happened to the hatred that existed about like say 15 minutes away. But sure as hell I’m glad it did. So I can’t recall this part properly, but I believe I asked her out just RIGHT before we reached Hrishikesh, she had issues with that. Clearly, I was still seeing Suzanne. But then I promised, I’d go back and “fix it all” and I’d break it off afterwards, which I of course did and for a brief period, Suzanne did think I’m a dick. But since neither of us did anything, and it was I don’t know, just something I knew I had to, I don’t really think it’s cheating it was like four days long trip. 

Again so much I rattle on and on about long - arse stories, but this really isn’t about how we met, and how we were, I mean they might find certain mentions in this entry but that’s not the point. The point is Robin, and things I remember of her, and things that was precisely asked to me by ‘anonymous’ to write about: First Love.

So well it’s a lot things that kinda build up to it you know? I mean I had dated before (^clearly!) but the funny thing is, the only reason I really consider it to be you know the first time I ever felt that feeling is because I think it was for the first time that it was you know, genuine. I mean I was in seventh grade, dating was really just about a tag, a social competition, or getting some action. But then again, it wasn’t like that with Robin. It was different. In my entire life, and kid you not, there has been till date only twice that I’ve changed to and for better, and she was the first, the latter of course, the credentials of which belongs to Arushi! But in the first go, for the first time I realized relationships were more than a status symbol. It was actually about how you felt about someone. Well so there it was. She changed me, I realized it’s about that gutted feeling you get when you see someone, when it makes you almost wanna throw up, and surprisingly that’s not even the best part of the day. Where when they’d walk past you, it’d do wonders! When they’d hold your hands, you’d get happy and nervous, like happy nervous. You know? It wasn’t like summer love, but they’re the nicest you know? It was back then, real – For me at least. You know? I mean we lasted the summer only, because after that she shifted to Trinidad and Tobago, if I am not wrong, and I shifted to India (which was the last I heard from her – yep haven’t heard from her in almost 7 years now. Tried small talking, no replies – eh, don’t wanna come off as creepy now do I? Chances are this blog entry won’t help in that manner).

Things I remember of her – Hmmm, almost like nostalgia – you know? So many of them … Blonde hair, short, freckles, skin like porcelain, that distinctive smell of hers that I somehow remember, but I’m assuming that’s perhaps because olfactory senses are the strongest a human being possesses and the maximum memory relapse is due to a strong attachment or recollection of a smell. Her wet hair tied in a pony (I think that’s what it’s called) in the morning, they way it’d soak itself on my t-shirt in the morning when she’d clasp me so hard to hug her. The light blue jeans she had, and the very light umm, baby purple if any exists, like colored t-shirt. They way she’d laugh at odd things that I’d say. For the first time, someone was really proud of me. Never happened before that, you know? I felt very secure, protected, wanted and happy. I still remember the first time she kissed me on my cheeks, she and her girlies were swimming and she was heading off to the shower room and I was sitting at the bleachers talking to her afterschool, she called me close and kissed me on the cheeks. Cheesy, but I don’t know still recollect that. The way I felt when broke up and weren't getting back post the Hrisheskh trip, and they way I so wanted to ask her for out. How I did do so during the school dance. She was wearing a white t-shirt and a black skirt. That slow dance, the song I can’t recollect, but the first time she kept her head on my shoulder and I knew it then … this is just what I needed. She was my tiny dancer (yes, it’s a reference to the song that I’m listening to right now). The way I’d stay back in school, because I’d want to walk her home everyday, and there wouldn’t be another bus till like 4.30 p.m. so I’d get stuck for hours in school. How it didn’t matter. Her fancy curtains made out of sea shells that I broke and she got so pissed off. Her dog. How her father hated me. So did her brother. I loved her mom, feeling seemed mutual. Her room. How she scolded me when I had a 2.8 GPA. How she actually now that I look back took care of me. Watching ‘Apollo 13’ with her in Mr.Gayer or Ms.Luby’s class? A month before we knew we’d have to leave. And this wasn’t exactly the last-forever type of a thing! The insane bitter feeling. The last day when I was at Prateek’s place and we drove to hers. And I knew this would be the last bit of it. How she was laying on my lap. When I was leaving for home, and I just didn’t want to sit in the car. How I wanted to hug her one last time. That kiss I never did. The fights we had. The first ever e-mail she ever sent me. I still have a printed copy of it. That’s freaking 7 year old mail, look at that! Her middle name was ‘Felicity’. Her surname was a mix of Mr. Kerr and Mrs. Jones – Her parents (or the other way around). That last dance on her farewell party – ‘Here without you’. The truth or dare game that night. The just talking. Coming back to India and listening to this ‘Alter Bridge’ song that I don’t know what’s called anymore. That weird gift I got her, because I didn’t have money on me, and I was too scared to ask Ma about cash, because we Indians don’t really date when you know we’re 13-14 years old! Sorry about that, but I meant anything that I must’ve meant what I had said while giving it … if it counts!

Well, most of you reading, especially if (the margin of which is probably 0.0006 percent) Robin reading it, I don’t want you to think it’s creepy. I mean, even to all the readers … it’s just my first time of an experience of anything of that sort. It was candid, emotional, I mean you know? It was not the mom-and dad sort of love, heck it wasn’t the one that was like with you guys’ relationships with your respective partners, or mine and Arushi’s. Very juvenile. But very real, and heart melting. So I hope I don’t come off as creepy and now that think back, so many things run in my head of those days … things I can remember, oh boy! No wonder I’m majoring in History!

Anyway, that’s a good synopsis of her, what all I remember, and why these memories are special, and why it is you know the ‘first love’ sort of a thing. She taught me how to love someone. And I think it made me a better person, not materialistic sly, nor and over emotional freak. Just the right one. The one which made me meet the ones I never thought I would. This is not in ill taste of anyone I’ve seen afterwards, so kindly take it as that, it’s simply a requested recollection, and as I can say a fun activity to do so! Post which, I only feel battered, and deprived of an attachment. I really wish I was someone’s first love, I mean I might not be accurate, but someone would feel something close by, you know within the close proximity of how I have had felt … I’d be more than happy! Well, anyway … don’t worry about the punctuation, most of it was intentional, and thank you for reading (if you’ve reached this far – or at least wanted to!), and do like, share and feedbacks are the best!

Also, I’m attaching a list of songs that I’ve played throughout the write up of this article stretched over two nights (got late, had college in the morning had to sleep by four in the morning. And in order of course):

1.  What makes you beautiful - Boyce Avenue Cover
 
2.  Blurry - Puddle of Mud
 
3.  Hysteria - Muse
 
4.  Teenage Dream - Some beautiful voice, very manly look girl's cover.
 
5.  Jet Lag - Simple Plan Feat. Natasha Bedinfield
 
6.  Lazy Song - Bruno Mars
 
7.  Stereo Hearts - Gym Class Heroes feat. Adam Lavine
 
8.  Close to my fire - Slack Wax (BMW Ads)
 
9.  Suddenly I see - KT Tunstall
 
10.Yaarian - Mohan Kanan and Shilpa Roa
 
11.Payphone - Maroon 5 feat. Wiz Khalifa
 
12.Hedwig's Theme - Harry Potter OST
 
13.Coat of Many Colors - Dolly Parton
 
14.Best of You - Boyce Avenue Cover
 
15.Tiny Dancer - Elton John
 
16.Rough Landing Holly (Acoustic) - Yellowcard
 
17.Still your song - Goo Goo Dolls
 
18.Flightless Bird, American Mouth (Wedding Version)- Iron and Wine
 
19.Thunder - Boys like Girls
 
20.9 Crimes – Damien Rice
 
21.Our Song – Goodnight Nurse
 
22.Hanging by A Moment – Lifehouse
 
23.The Reason - Hoobastank