Batman and Robin

Well unusual and an uncanny name indeed eh? Well, I’ll tell you why … Batman, because lately I have been telling my secret to a lot of people, so I figured I’d come outta the closet finally. Yes world, I AM Bruce Bayne, a.k.a. Nirjhar Bhattacharjee, a.k.a. Batman. Robin, because that was her name. NO, I am not here to discuss how accurately my life has been portrayed in The Dark Knight Rises, nor am I here to tell you about the comics. I have however a treat for all my readers here. And of course, when I say treat, I do intend to make a note that I’m taking a risk of comfort in stating the same. So apparently, this reader, and I’m hoping a fan, considering the nice message she had sent, asked me to write about something not from now, or today, or how things are in life. But about how they were, and how it felt. She asked me to write of my ‘first love’. Dear anonymous, firstly thank you for all that review you gave me. I’m obliged you read all that I had written, and well appreciate it. As everyone can see I’m not really a writer, or story teller. My failed attempts at writing are not more than anything but diary entries, so to all the readers kindly read it as that. As for love, well here we go:

Well, I practically believe and I know for a fact because I have seen it happen to me, that love happens to all of us for more than once. And to all those who’d debate that it were only infatuation, well I beg to differ. I mean, if a couple who were happily married for tenure of 20 years, but learnt that they have reached a point in this relationship where they no longer can feel about each other in the same way and wish to continue their kin-some relationship in a different context, and if it acts a prelude to a new relationship which prospers, of which there exist several real life accounts, do we discard it as stating infatuation or we give it a real sight thought of something magical. Something new. Well I’ll stick to my guns; let’s see if I can make you drop yours with that argument.

Irrespective, this really isn’t an argument; it’s more like a relapse to seventh grade. Now the story is rather funny, weird and always of so much of heart. I met her when I was in 5^th grade, and she had joined late in the year. We both were in American International School in Dhaka, Bangladesh. Well now in all honestly, I wasn’t exactly what you call on the top of the social ladder, hell I wasn’t even THERE on the social anything. I was like bad mix of Howard, Leonard and Sheldon – but with a life they’d really expect … you know social seclusion and all that. Such was elementary schooling … oh them days. So since 5^th grade till 7^th early-ish bit of it she didn’t like me. ONE BIT. And not just her, everyone. But well that did change in middle school, but that’s beside the point. By the time I came to seventh grade, life was much easier, I wasn’t the social masterpiece but well, at least there was some social convention and protocols that I could follow. You know how that goes, just go with the flow.

Now this is probably huge for a confession, but I don’t know, I don’t ever have considered this, but I don’t agree to this as a strong hypothesis: It wasn’t cheating. Here’s the story. So I had broken up with this girl, and I don’t know how but I started dating this other girl – VERY sweet, still is. And we’re good friends till date, but like after seeing her for 3 days, I was suppose to go for class trip to Hrishikesh, India – and so we did. The flight to New Delhi was no issue. Robin here on the other hand still doesn’t like me. Not ONE BIT! And neither did at the starting of the train journey. But as we were travelling down to Hrishikesh, she was sitting with Tanveer right behind me. Tan and I use to be damn good friends back then, think of it I do miss him a lot. Anyway, so out of poke and fun, we kinda kicked into a conversation, and I think that was it, it just hit me. That I don’t know what, but I really liked her. And I wanted to go ahead with it and be with her. And as weird as it seems, all the walls came down and there it was the naked truth. We both apparently liked each other. I don’t know what happened to the hatred that existed about like say 15 minutes away. But sure as hell I’m glad it did. So I can’t recall this part properly, but I believe I asked her out just RIGHT before we reached Hrishikesh, she had issues with that. Clearly, I was still seeing Suzanne. But then I promised, I’d go back and “fix it all” and I’d break it off afterwards, which I of course did and for a brief period, Suzanne did think I’m a dick. But since neither of us did anything, and it was I don’t know, just something I knew I had to, I don’t really think it’s cheating it was like four days long trip. 

Again so much I rattle on and on about long - arse stories, but this really isn’t about how we met, and how we were, I mean they might find certain mentions in this entry but that’s not the point. The point is Robin, and things I remember of her, and things that was precisely asked to me by ‘anonymous’ to write about: First Love.

So well it’s a lot things that kinda build up to it you know? I mean I had dated before (^clearly!) but the funny thing is, the only reason I really consider it to be you know the first time I ever felt that feeling is because I think it was for the first time that it was you know, genuine. I mean I was in seventh grade, dating was really just about a tag, a social competition, or getting some action. But then again, it wasn’t like that with Robin. It was different. In my entire life, and kid you not, there has been till date only twice that I’ve changed to and for better, and she was the first, the latter of course, the credentials of which belongs to Arushi! But in the first go, for the first time I realized relationships were more than a status symbol. It was actually about how you felt about someone. Well so there it was. She changed me, I realized it’s about that gutted feeling you get when you see someone, when it makes you almost wanna throw up, and surprisingly that’s not even the best part of the day. Where when they’d walk past you, it’d do wonders! When they’d hold your hands, you’d get happy and nervous, like happy nervous. You know? It wasn’t like summer love, but they’re the nicest you know? It was back then, real – For me at least. You know? I mean we lasted the summer only, because after that she shifted to Trinidad and Tobago, if I am not wrong, and I shifted to India (which was the last I heard from her – yep haven’t heard from her in almost 7 years now. Tried small talking, no replies – eh, don’t wanna come off as creepy now do I? Chances are this blog entry won’t help in that manner).

Things I remember of her – Hmmm, almost like nostalgia – you know? So many of them … Blonde hair, short, freckles, skin like porcelain, that distinctive smell of hers that I somehow remember, but I’m assuming that’s perhaps because olfactory senses are the strongest a human being possesses and the maximum memory relapse is due to a strong attachment or recollection of a smell. Her wet hair tied in a pony (I think that’s what it’s called) in the morning, they way it’d soak itself on my t-shirt in the morning when she’d clasp me so hard to hug her. The light blue jeans she had, and the very light umm, baby purple if any exists, like colored t-shirt. They way she’d laugh at odd things that I’d say. For the first time, someone was really proud of me. Never happened before that, you know? I felt very secure, protected, wanted and happy. I still remember the first time she kissed me on my cheeks, she and her girlies were swimming and she was heading off to the shower room and I was sitting at the bleachers talking to her afterschool, she called me close and kissed me on the cheeks. Cheesy, but I don’t know still recollect that. The way I felt when broke up and weren't getting back post the Hrisheskh trip, and they way I so wanted to ask her for out. How I did do so during the school dance. She was wearing a white t-shirt and a black skirt. That slow dance, the song I can’t recollect, but the first time she kept her head on my shoulder and I knew it then … this is just what I needed. She was my tiny dancer (yes, it’s a reference to the song that I’m listening to right now). The way I’d stay back in school, because I’d want to walk her home everyday, and there wouldn’t be another bus till like 4.30 p.m. so I’d get stuck for hours in school. How it didn’t matter. Her fancy curtains made out of sea shells that I broke and she got so pissed off. Her dog. How her father hated me. So did her brother. I loved her mom, feeling seemed mutual. Her room. How she scolded me when I had a 2.8 GPA. How she actually now that I look back took care of me. Watching ‘Apollo 13’ with her in Mr.Gayer or Ms.Luby’s class? A month before we knew we’d have to leave. And this wasn’t exactly the last-forever type of a thing! The insane bitter feeling. The last day when I was at Prateek’s place and we drove to hers. And I knew this would be the last bit of it. How she was laying on my lap. When I was leaving for home, and I just didn’t want to sit in the car. How I wanted to hug her one last time. That kiss I never did. The fights we had. The first ever e-mail she ever sent me. I still have a printed copy of it. That’s freaking 7 year old mail, look at that! Her middle name was ‘Felicity’. Her surname was a mix of Mr. Kerr and Mrs. Jones – Her parents (or the other way around). That last dance on her farewell party – ‘Here without you’. The truth or dare game that night. The just talking. Coming back to India and listening to this ‘Alter Bridge’ song that I don’t know what’s called anymore. That weird gift I got her, because I didn’t have money on me, and I was too scared to ask Ma about cash, because we Indians don’t really date when you know we’re 13-14 years old! Sorry about that, but I meant anything that I must’ve meant what I had said while giving it … if it counts!

Well, most of you reading, especially if (the margin of which is probably 0.0006 percent) Robin reading it, I don’t want you to think it’s creepy. I mean, even to all the readers … it’s just my first time of an experience of anything of that sort. It was candid, emotional, I mean you know? It was not the mom-and dad sort of love, heck it wasn’t the one that was like with you guys’ relationships with your respective partners, or mine and Arushi’s. Very juvenile. But very real, and heart melting. So I hope I don’t come off as creepy and now that think back, so many things run in my head of those days … things I can remember, oh boy! No wonder I’m majoring in History!

Anyway, that’s a good synopsis of her, what all I remember, and why these memories are special, and why it is you know the ‘first love’ sort of a thing. She taught me how to love someone. And I think it made me a better person, not materialistic sly, nor and over emotional freak. Just the right one. The one which made me meet the ones I never thought I would. This is not in ill taste of anyone I’ve seen afterwards, so kindly take it as that, it’s simply a requested recollection, and as I can say a fun activity to do so! Post which, I only feel battered, and deprived of an attachment. I really wish I was someone’s first love, I mean I might not be accurate, but someone would feel something close by, you know within the close proximity of how I have had felt … I’d be more than happy! Well, anyway … don’t worry about the punctuation, most of it was intentional, and thank you for reading (if you’ve reached this far – or at least wanted to!), and do like, share and feedbacks are the best!

Also, I’m attaching a list of songs that I’ve played throughout the write up of this article stretched over two nights (got late, had college in the morning had to sleep by four in the morning. And in order of course):

1.  What makes you beautiful - Boyce Avenue Cover
 
2.  Blurry - Puddle of Mud
 
3.  Hysteria - Muse
 
4.  Teenage Dream - Some beautiful voice, very manly look girl's cover.
 
5.  Jet Lag - Simple Plan Feat. Natasha Bedinfield
 
6.  Lazy Song - Bruno Mars
 
7.  Stereo Hearts - Gym Class Heroes feat. Adam Lavine
 
8.  Close to my fire - Slack Wax (BMW Ads)
 
9.  Suddenly I see - KT Tunstall
 
10.Yaarian - Mohan Kanan and Shilpa Roa
 
11.Payphone - Maroon 5 feat. Wiz Khalifa
 
12.Hedwig's Theme - Harry Potter OST
 
13.Coat of Many Colors - Dolly Parton
 
14.Best of You - Boyce Avenue Cover
 
15.Tiny Dancer - Elton John
 
16.Rough Landing Holly (Acoustic) - Yellowcard
 
17.Still your song - Goo Goo Dolls
 
18.Flightless Bird, American Mouth (Wedding Version)- Iron and Wine
 
19.Thunder - Boys like Girls
 
20.9 Crimes – Damien Rice
 
21.Our Song – Goodnight Nurse
 
22.Hanging by A Moment – Lifehouse
 
23.The Reason - Hoobastank
 
 

 
 
 
 

 

A Candid Conversation: Brain and Heart

Lazy night, not boring in particular, but extremely slow. It's 3.38 a.m. as I type and usually by the lull that I'm currently observing with no one on facebook chatting up, hardly 30-40 people online, the air conditioner cold enough to give me "chillys", pretty relaxed about the work (Currently making the Background guide for a Security Council I'm Vice Chairing, discussing Cuban Missile Crisis) and pretty much not sleepy, I'd safely assume it's 4.30 a.m. or more in the morning, but apparently! Ah well, I can't complain ... so I figured, I'd finish this piece that I had started earlier. Anyway, do read on, comment, like, and share on facebook. :)

Oh Brain! Baby it happened again,

I guess I should've listened to you.

But I promise you it's for the last time,

Hold on to my words for they're true!

Here you come running again,

Burned, bruised and hurting in pain.

What happened to all those last times,

that you had promised again and again?

For I was a fool, I couldn't understand

What you meant was only for my good!

But then I couldn't control myself

That feeling took over my mood.

I told you from the beginning,

you'd only lose your heart!

But of course what do I know of love?

You questioned my knowledge from the start!

Oh forgive me brain,

I was lost in the heat of the moment.

Once bitten twice shy,

It won't happen again and you know it!

Really heart, really?

Because I believe twice has a limited impression!

You've been bitten more and shameless time and again

For you don't learn your lesson!

But this time I really thought,

that I could make it work.

That she was the one I was looking for,

and this could be a brand new start. 

But that's how you feel everytime,

How does it change anything?

I told you not to fall for her,

And you went for the fling!

Ah! What do I tell you now,

she had the looks of an angel!
When she spoke my heart would melt,

and no longer could we be strangers!

Dear lord! She was nice, I never denied that,

but so was you guys' temper.

On and on you guys would fight,

And then that feeling became fainter!

I couldn't see, I couldn't tell

I just wanted to make it work out.

I thought we had one last shot,

And I traveled far too long in that route!

Oh I know darling, I know you tried,

to make it work and be happy!
But if happiness is not what you breathe,

Relationships can be a little tricky!

She made me smile, she made happy,

And I caused her so much pain!
But in the end it wasn't for us,

It was her as a friend, or all in vain!

For a change, you thought with "me",

and look where it took you!

You both might be hurt and in agony,

But I know it's not short of a Thank You!

Probably you're right, I should've listened

But I guess I just wasn't in the position.

But I know now what it is like,

Next time I'll have better reasons!

Oh like you mean those words, 

Of the ones that you say!
I wish you truly knew what it meant,

So listen to me, If I may?

Oh dear brain, forgive me,

I chose to be curious,

I can travel unseen roads with my sight

but think only with your sights of obvious!

Oh we'll remember her,

for she's such a fond title!

But don't ache like that because it's over,

Being strong right now is vital!

You're right, I'll make my peace,

I'll start a brand new chapter!
Never again shall I fall in love,

And foretell my happily ever after!

I know I will hear it again,

your stories of blushes and freed dove!

But come here let me clean you till then,

And stop you from bleeding love! 

A Street With No Name

Life has been kind of crazy lately, anyone who has read my last post would know that! But even beyond that, everything has been kind of crazy lately, with my father leaving the country for a while, my mom's health, work pressure, etc. And I honestly have been looking for certain activities, ah hell! any activity to keep myself wholesomely occupied with work. I love workload, it helps me be distracted and keep me and my mind off of the wrong things.

But, this post isn't about aforementioned (^) that content. I mean, that's important to be mentioned (and you'll find out why soon, so keep reading) and thus I did. It's about Kuzart Lane, a beautiful entrepreneurial venture started off by few fellas'. It's a prefect set up, and I have been to this part of Hauz Khas Village, New Delhi before ... but it never seemed quite so beautiful! I don't know if it's the ambiance, or the love. 

Anyway, with everything being at their devastating best, I came across this cafe called the Kuzart Lane. What happened was I had gone to attend an invitation at my friend, Pallav's house and then another of my friend Shivang who knew of this place took us there. And I think, it was just the right moment to know of that place you know? Cause we sat there for hours and just played music (Shivang is a phenomenal singer - must listen to him sometimes, and Arpit is excellent himself - have to listen to him too!), and the time just passed by so quickly. It was, is ... my sweet escape. That one part of the town, where I go to relax. Get some space for myself ... feel happy, elated. :)

But I can't really tell what clicks there you know? Is it the ambiance? Can be, a brilliant showcase for young talent who are showing off their art work, which is out of the world. As you walk through the lane towards the main shop, you see a scenery of magnificent hard-work and emotions ... my friend Shantam Goyal has put up some of his work there - and I insist whosoever has a chance, do go ahead and give it a glimpse. :) . Might also be the cafe, which has been solely done up by the owners themselves (or so am I told), the whole opportunity for sitting there, catching up, playing some songs, reminiscing the good times. It's perfect. Or is it, the food ... that also can be the case you see, they have phenomenal food. Have to try this off-the-record coffee. Ice American if I'm not wrong about the name ... it's the best heat beater you can have. And I have heard a lot about the "Hulk Burger". Haven't tried it yet, but I'm assuming that day aint to far away either. A little low on money now, but as soon as the MUN season start, I'm having that burger. :)

OR, is it the love. Which I sincerely believe might be the cause for it. Rukhsana Aunty, or as I call her - AUNTY! Who is currently managing the cafe, is woman, who at once makes you feel so close, so kin, so candid that you want to sit there, interact, enjoy. For me she was someone who seemed so nice and gentle, who let me and my friend sit there and literally customize the shop to the extent where we felt it was our shop almost. There were other customers who had come, but she didn't care ... she let us be. And there we were making music, enjoying ourselves. And pretty much jeopardizing the date of that couple who sat behind us, or in front of us ... I don't know ... we were all over the place, but I can tell, they had a hellovatime themselves. Not that bad for a date if you ask me. Or it can also be the fact, that aunty allows you to be close enough to her to have conversations that I personally don't think too many people have with strangers. The way she allowed me to walk into her life, and tell me about her father and how he had been diagnosed with cancer, and her invariably the most raw feeling of pain, the way she spelt it out to me ... it was touching, it was like she was willing to take a leap of faith and give me, and everyone who comes there to not just be part of this moment on that day, but be a part of a journey everyday.

So maybe it's the ambience, the name, the food, the fact that you can sit out and smoke in peace, the quietness of the place, simply Rukhsana Aunty, or just the fact that you can relax and unwind, forget and forgive. You, yes you my readers HAVE to go to Kuzart Lane - Do visit.

Remember Me

A lot has happened since I last wrote. But apparently nothing that really moved me enough to write happened, so I guess I just let things be. But today, as I sit in front of this black box of electronic equipment and I write my heart out again, I have so many things that run through my head - Good, Bad, horrible, and the nicest. How do I write it all down in 3 paragraphs? I have never quite been able to do that anyway. So I guess here goes an attempt.

Anyone who has ever read my blogs before is well aware of the inspirations in various of them, the muse. So as today I write again, it's her. But things have changed over time so much, that today I feel the whole conclusion to this post will be different. But I also have faith in the fact that it will be good. 

We had started fighting a long time back about a year and a half or so ago. But things were different then, reasons were not so strong, we were juvenile in our demands. But that always worked for us you know? A damage that small was always easier to fix. It was a small cut, and the band aid would just do fine. But somehow ego, wants, demands, bedlam, everything came into it's own play, and one fine day she left. It hurt us both, not just me ... I knew for a fact it tore her apart. And I wanted to wait, it hurt too much to let her go. But after a lot of scorns and persuasion and I decided and realized that I had to move on, so I did. Or so I thought. See the problem with moving on is, either you do it entirely, or you don't do it at all. Every time you do something half - baked, it is bound to backfire on you down the line. Irrespective of our decisions made, we kept in touch. It all seemed good back then. If I look back now, I guess I'd still keep it that way. But then, we fought a lot. On a lot of matters. But that was us - One more fight - One more night - One more band aid.

But that's how the story unfolds! So this one fine night, I was out of town, and we were speaking over the telephone, and she asked if I'd want to get back. I honestly knew I did, but I also knew there were so many things to fix that we just would have to or else, this broken house would never be our home. So I said, we have to work things out and see. See, there is the second problem there - thinking emotions will NOT take the better of you. We were at it honestly, trying to mend things. See things through each others eyes ... but habits are hard to lose and impossible to mend. We both came back to our old ways - taking each other for granted, demanding, having exceptions, complaining, etc. And then as I would like to see it, and I firmly believe too, I ran away form the relationship as a coward person would. There were troubles, I figured I made a miscalculation and had jumped to conclusions, and then decided to leave and not live up to my own decision.

I guess, even that is fine. I thought, I messed up one decision, I'll make sure I don't mess up this one. But that's not true, is it now? You can truly never know how hard it is going to be, till it is. The withdraw syndrome is always the worst you know? I knew I needed her, and only her and I knew I couldn't have her right now either. So one fine day, after hurting her all over again, I decide it's about time I tell her I'm gonna stick around and not let her get over me. So I do that very conveniently, in a hope that she'd understand what I did, and why I did it. And we go back to our old arrangement, we work things out before we get back.

But for a change, I thought I'll figure this out. And I made a right decision. I didn't want anything to get too serious, before we got back, because we were good with messing things up. Both of us. We were in love, and we were idiots. But there were technically two mistakes we made. 1. We became too emotionally involved, I guess neither of us could help that; and 2. We just kept on saying "we'll fix this", when honestly that was never happening, or even if was, at such a rate that it was impossible to foresee the outcome. And there followed the fights, the cries, the issues, the scars and the band aids. And one fine day, I said - this isn't right, because band aids aren't fixing anything. 

But see, that's not the entire story. I have my own reasoning behind it. Feelings, understandings, conclusions, I strongly believe in. See there is no 'big picture' that you can look at. There is no cover of the book that you can judge by, you have to read all the chapters to understand what happened and why. Why did I do, what I believe I had to. To start with, I don't know if the decision I made was ever right or not. Seeing my history of wrong and weak decision making, this probably is to. But unlike other times, I've actually learnt something from the past, the niche has changed, and I have decided to be strong. 

There were few things that started to bother me. This whole phase was about fixing things. And I was sure about the fact that I will only give into this if everything is fixed, and I swear to god, I swear on all that I've ever known, I tried, really hard to hold on for the longest that I could've. But the fights, the arguments, they were just getting too overwhelming. Too much for me to handle. There came a time, when I was just fighting couldn't really recall the cause. Didn't know what was I bleeding for, what was that effort all about. But then I thought, it must be just my indecisiveness, my cowardliness, and I tried playing it off. But then the unfathomable happens, you realize you can't. There was just so much blood, so much tension, so much negativity, and I was getting tired of this. I didn't feel the same, and everything else seemed to be a sweet escape. It's almost as if I had worn out, and I didn't have it in me to handle other people's problem about me, us, others, and nothing. I had so much for myself that everyone else's seemed secondary. There was just too much broken to go old ways. It felt as if I am standing on the corner, and I have only these two options left - something or nothing.

In that moment, it wasn't very hard to choose. There were issues, angst, hurt, pain, discontent. We both wanted things our way. We both wanted each other to change to cater to the others demands. But then it hit me, I can't and shouldn't ask someone to be the way I want them to be and then accept them. Because then I'm not really accepting 'them' am I? They want to change because it suits their needs, it's a different thing, but not to please me specifically. And the same applied on her. I couldn't change myself to that extent. And this is human nature, i felt that why should I understand so much when she can't. And I'm assuming, she felt the same. I might be wrong, I probably am, but I always felt that I'm giving more up for this then she is. Might not be true, probably isn't. But that's how I felt. I tried reasoning with all the defenses that were given to me. And I honestly agree with all of it. She did all of that. But then again, it was all a try, never quite the end conclusion. And I guess, after a year and a half ... a try just isn't enough. I feel guilty for feeling that way, but I know it's alright. But I'd rather be honest about it then lie ... I believe if you're trying everyday and still nothing is coming out of it then either you're not trying at all, or not trying hard enough. it's true for me too, I kept on saying I'm trying. But I guess I wasn't ... or else she wouldn't have any issues either. But we bled and bled and bled, till I figured we can't bleed anymore, and I'm the reason she's bleeding for.

It didn't seem right to be ignorant to the truth. I knew she was hurting because of me. Her health was taking a toll, she wasn't happy. She'd complain I don't understand her, that her I always crib when she's with her friends. And that did it, I believed her. And I never imagined that I'd be that guy. I thought I'll make the girl happy, whosoever I'm with. And I choose to quit and let her feel the hurt for now, and be happy in the long run. Rather then let her hurt everyday, and not smile ever. It is wonderful to have a wonderful friend by losing a broken thread, rather then to hold on to that rope till it completely breaks. I knew if I hadn't done this, it would've rotten to the extent, that we'd not ever want to meet each other. 

I know it's hard on her. I can't possibly imagine how upset she might be. But I know, she'd heal. She needs to happy, and I'd rather hurt her in one go then everyday. She deserves better. Maybe that'd be someone else, maybe that'd be me. I don't know, and I'm fine either way. Maybe I'll find someone else, maybe I won't find anyone. But if we EVER do end up together again, a year from now, two years, or five ... we'd be different us. And honestly, I wouldn't want the old us. And that was our problem, we wanted the 'us we were' and not the 'us we should be'. We lost it in translation. I wish, I can mend all things, and ease away the pain. But I know I can't. If I do again, we'd fall onto the same old vicious cycle ... and we can't afford that. I wish, I could heal her. Me.
 

This is the last chapter of this book 'seasons'. But I learnt something a long while ago, time moves on always, good bad and bad both happen alike ... in life you have to leave the pages at the end empty for you may not like what happens, but you ought to write it.

I hope that when we'd look back now, it won't be the remembrance of the fights, arguments and cries ... but the memories of the good times we had. 

SO FAR AWAY!

Relationships are well rather a lot of hard work, believe it or not! Even the finest of relationships can fall into pieces if adequate time, understanding and effort isn't given to it! Well, of course that's the most basic of facts that everyone knows about relationships... so what is this entire blog about? Well read on, you'd find out yourself

You see, there is always this one person who always loves more in a relationship. Try not being that person, it's a bitter feeling. Which of course, doesn't mean you shouldn't put your heart and soul into making this relationship the most special thing, but you know just some downsides to be reckoned with! Well here is the thing, once you do figure out that you're the one who loves more, it'd always remind you that the other person falls short in some way or the other and you'd always want them to try harder.  Happens with everyone.

What really does bother pretty much anyone in a relationship is when the other person starts taking them for granted, intentionally or unintentionally... either way, hurts a bitch. See what bothers is the fact that somehow, you are always suppose to understand, and change your plans because supposedly the other persons plans are more grande! Well that's not true, in a relationship there is no "my problem is more serious, or bigger". Both the people need to see what they can do to satisfy the other person, that's why you compromise  in a relationship not sacrifice ! 

Expressing ones views are a major concern! You see, it all starts when you want to communicate but just becomes a dull activity because the reciprocative signals are aghast or even dead! Neither the guy nor the girl are magicians and as you kids like it now a days, Edward Cullen! No one can actually read anyones mind, shocking ... but nonetheless true indeed! Ever wondered why things go awry and you can't do anything about it? Well it's probably because you're not communicating your feelings thoroughly! Look it up on the net, and you'd find tons of thread posts referring to the same! You have to tell us that you'r sorry and mean it and make sure that we understand. Saying sorry isn't enough, I mean if someone hurt you would you be satisfied with just a sorry? No! of course not, so why do the same? Make them feel that you're sorry for what happened and you want to fix it. And it's not only about apologizing. If you can't express your love, even that goes down the drain, majorly! I mean how do we know if you can't tell us you love us. Yes it's not a routine exercise, but everyone needs to reminded (and believe me - a lot of times) that you love them, not just verbally, but physically, emotionally, etc, etc! Don't expect the other person to always take the initiative to hold your hands, to kiss you, to tell you that s/he loves you or pamper you! You're not here for recreational purposes! You're suppose to do all that your other partner is doing as well!

There are so many reasons that things can go wrong, not listening to the other person, not understanding, undermining, etc, etc. Probably one last one that i'll blog about today is how s/he is the last person to be bothered about. See, when that starts happening, it's a  m.a.j.o.r.  concern! If you're concerned about what your friends and family will think about your action more then how the other person would feel if you acted in a particular way, well then that's a big bad ass no! Few things need to be understood here however:

1. no one is trying to snatch you away from your friends, and most definitely family.
2.  it's not like your act is something of felony, it's something in regards to the relationship.
3.  it has nothing to do with offending anyone or anything of that sort,  because if that be the case, everyone is very smart i'm sure s/he would always understand why you decided to put your friends and families concerns above theirs!

But if it isn't as mentioned in the last point above, that is bound to leave some mark and a lot of scars! All of us should be more empathetic towards each other, and it's your relationship at the end up the day and  only you can make your call. If you choose to bother about silly little things and how they'd effect your image over the other persons feelings and concern then it shows something about you and not necessarily positive.

Just because a person works out a solution to problems whenever they arise, doesn't mean they'll do it always. Sometimes you need to do it to show that you actually care about this relationship and about his/her feelings. Don't run or shy away from facing the consequences or the situation. Both of your actions brought it upon you guys, then be sensible enough to figure out a solution to the problem. Don't wait for the other person to do it always! Don't push someone so much that they fall right off the cliff, because once that happens, there is no coming back. Guys must not go mad and crazy about every little tip off, and girls do not have to cry about everything that is not going according to their fairy tale version of "real life"

Breaking up is the easiest of things to do! Making a relationship is what proves that you're meant for it. It's better to fix what matters to you and what you love rather then let it all fall apart!

Clasping Tight

Sometimes surprises are not what you get but what you make of it!

One year ago, I met a girl who changed my life, and how I think and feel about things forever. I met a girl, who was very different from me. She grew up in a different environment, she thought about things differently, her outlook was different. And believe me “OPPOSITE ATTRACT” is complete bullocks. I mean, yes we fell for each other, but not because we are so different. It’s because we clicked. It’s rather funny, she said NO when I asked her out for the first time.

But this blog isn't about how we met, how I worked my ass off to impress her OR about how things have changed after I met her. It's about who she is and what she means to me! So here I go.

This girl is all you'd ever want your girlfriend to be.She's smart, funny, not demanding, understanding, cute, kinky, beautiful, a beautiful soul. Oh yeah, don't think we didn't have our share of fights and trouble, but then HELL! what's a relationship without some fights? It's like bleeding to know that you're alive, you all couples out there know what I mean right? As much as I remember her last, she's perfect. She got her problems too, I mean I wouldn't go too explicit on the world wide web, she'd know what I mean (she's been cribbing about it, yet again, since the afternoon), but I've been trying so hard to make her understand, that it's these small-small flaws that make her so perfect, hopefully she'd understand in a while on her own. 

The best part about her is that she loves me for who I am (NAME ME ONE GUY WHO DOESN'T WANT A GIRLFRIEND LIKE THAT). Sometimes I driver her nuts, and vice versa. But you know, she'd just smile and you know it's like everything is just right, back to being perfect, just how I'd want it to be. She's a soul, who shines brighter then light and makes everything around her seem so dull! She's one for the keepers. There are many things i'd simply throw away from life, just because they're such wastes! But not her, not the smiles that I've shared with her, not the fights I've had with hers, not the kisses she gave me, not the hugs she flaunts for me, not the stupid things she says, and not the things she never said. I'd keep 'em all. I'd keep you. Forever.

Thank you for handling me for so long, please feel free to do so for the next forever. I love you baby :)

And all the guys out there who got themselves a girl, love her with all you have fellas, only few people can make you feels special about who YOU are, believe me, she'd be part of that VERY few. As for the girls, don't push you guys too much, they're good souls too! And you know what they say, and this goes for both, you push it too much he/she would find their ways somewhere, somehow else. Don't sacrifice in a relationship, compromise. You'd go a long way! Cause from what I've learned, no one wants their relationships to end because of stupid reasons. Give it time, give it nurturing, give it your soul, give it, give it all the first-times. Believe me, these first times are the memories you'd make to keep. 

And for all those single ones, enjoy singledom! And look for your perfect match, cause he/she is out there XD

Cheers!

Bits & pieces of yesterday we'll have tomorrow.

It's forty minutes past twelve. Not much to do at this time, else than sleeping, until and unless of course you're being a retard like me and posting things up here, without much of any readers.! I remember this particular Graduation Speech that really moved me. "THE TWILIGHT SAGE: ECLIPSE"'s speech by Jessica. It's by far one of THE most influential speech of all time. Considering i'm a senior myself, and there aint much of anytime left for us to graduate. I really don't know how to really handle it all.

It seems like just yesterday that i had joined this school. Middle school seemed so scary. Coming from a different background, not being able to speak in Hindi, the most valuable asset found in India, really messed up a lot of things. But all that seems, just yesterday. Today, I'm a senior, who's on his way to finish this HUGE chapter of the Fat Arse book "Life" and is about to go to the next one. 

When i look back at this though, so many memories come back. It's hard to tell which is the bad one and which is the good one, cause, standing here and looking back, it ALL seems so worth it.All those fights. No i really mean fights not those bitchy 'lil kiss-and-make-up-stories . . . i quite mean the part where you don't want to see each other's face so bad, that you'd "ACTUALLY" skip school just so that you don't see it. And yet end up going and mess around with them. And all of those . . . deciding who's who, which girl is out of bound, which girl is not worth any bounds, and stepping all over that line of bound to see what if the out-of-bound works out. Standing in front of the canteen (and may i remind you, not a cafeteria, but canteen) and asking for "TEN RUPEES" knowing you have more that One Thousand Rupees in you wallet. Finding that one friend, who you can always bully, with them knowing you'd never harm them. And Finding that one friend who you'd ALWAYS want to hurt, but won't because you love them.

Being a Senior is quite amazing. Because, right now . . . Is the time we all want to make all of the mistakes and want somebody else to correct it for us. But when they do we want to tell them, "Back off, it's my life, and i know my highway directions pretty good". Even funnier, we know we're still screwing up. But this is the most innocent and bold time to fall, crumble, and to get back up. 'Cause this is the time, when mistakes aren't just mistakes, it's a lesson. 

One aspect of being senior that NEVER fails to show it's importance is THE Love. See you can always fall in love up above or down below of the "SENIOR" tag, but quite NOTHING like the High School Love.Quite nothing like loving someone now, and knowing it will last forever. Maybe it wont, but trust me it always leaves a very pleasant memory. Plus the statistic shows, most of the couple that end up being together forever, start here. Right now we're so up on our hormones, that nothing seems wrong, all the wrongs can be corrected, and all that needs to be wronged can be ignored. Who you love now, will always leave an impression in you life and how you shape it. Love now, and live forever. 

Good Memories, aren't they? But sadly, Memories, which means separation is on it's way. Sucks To say it, but in few more months, we will all move on. Some will stay connected, some will try to, others like most of us will move on. And it sucks the most when that happens. But it IS something that will. Down the line, we won't remember each other's face, name, number and we wouldn't care. That will be the time we'll look back and smile at these memories and say, oh that girl, yeah she rejected me, that was funny. Or oh yeah that guy, i screwed his case, and i slapped him, that was funny. Trust me that guy will also laugh about getting slapped.

So as of now, live these last few days as much as you can. Cause they won't last forever. Make these bitter-sweet memories. Make life. Cause someday, this will all be  gone. No more secretly meeting up your girlfriend, and not telling your parent your grades, and no more hiding behind an excuse and expect everything to turn up right. Don't wait for it to happen, let it. :)

TO ALL THOSE WHO READ THIS. 

THANK YOU.

TO ALL THOSE WHO WILL. COMMENT XD