Epilogue

Here I sit, No stranger to this hour

With a mind so unrestful,
With provocative thoughts in my head,

Many of which, deals with reality of life.

As I sit through this ever so friendly hour,

I ponder, what could've been. Do I wish to know?
Every part of me knows it can't be figured,

Nor do I wish to know. But what if?

As I move past the reluctances of yesterday,

I stumble upon tomorrow.

How it eagerly awaits my entrance.
How I wish I could delay it.
And yet I know, all I want is, is her.

In her rawest form, with all her prerogatives

I want her, I want tomorrow.

It tells me of the confusion, the hardship that lays

It tells me of the fruit that it'll bore if it pays

And here I sit, procrastinating,

And judging, as I choose my steps carefully.

Moments pass, when I realize that what I miss

Is the thrill of serendipity, the nature of stupidity.

As I sit here, waiting for the dawning of tomorrow

I eagerly await the path of self discovery

That stands at my door, striving towards me

To which I run in these barren land.

I have nothing to hold me back

But my own fear of failure.

But today even that won't suffice,

For I have made up my mind.

I have chosen to be different.

I have chosen to be me.

I choose to be strong, and thus I am.

I choose to be naive, and thus I am.

I choose to be weak, and thus I am.

You choose to befool me, and here I am.

Gullible, and masochistic in my taste.

In that state of conscience, that I know who I am

And yet, surrender to your wrongdoings, I stand.

I can't learn from the insanity that you provide

Because in you is all the warmth that I find.

I wish to stop my slipping tongue,

But in the inebriation of your touch, I melt.

The thoughts that shoot through my mind

Speak of the only times that I remember.

I have been there a lot of times before,

Some worth a mention

Others choose not to mention themselves.

I have been there before, I will again

And yet the only wine to my thirst is your reminiscence.

The only hope to my box, is your smile

And the only guilt to my pleasure is your touch.

In that delight of mine, where you're perfect

Nothing can touch you. Nothing can harm.

You perish with time, but your memories shall stay

For the immortality my senses wish to know.

I have hurt you in times of need, crushed you,

Hurt you, and broken into many a piece.

But you retaliated with equal eager,

And this relationship of ours is what makes us sweeter.

In good health or bad taste, we stand together.

If you choose to be alone to day,

Then we're together in our solitude.

I bid you my farewell, with the sensuous touch

May you wake up tomorrow, in that picture that I have of you in my head.

May you wake up, with that smile that outshines tomorrows sun over head.

May you shine.

If I lay here

One of my favorite most TV drama shows had one of my favorite most episode, and I'm sure a lot of people would agree to the same.The show in itself, being a legend in the medium of silver screen, and has rendered itself to various sorts of critical acclaims post the premiering of this episode.

Which show am I talking about? Grey's Anatomy. And episode? The Season 2: Finale. The whole show seemed to be so complete with this particular episode. It just seemed like it all came together. The feeling of betrayal, anger, hurt, pain, hatred, love, lust, and above them all ... forgiveness. The true constituents of drama, in one show, in one tightly packed one-hour long run, and it all came down to ONE song, ONE end. Chasing Cars (Snow Patrol).

I firmly believe that, Chasing Cars owes its following and popularity to this particular feature, but the theory isn't one way, it works the other way around also. The finale could've been just one long episode with tears and longing and theatrical end, but would miss out on the most important part, an impact. So loud, so vibrant, that it would set the benchmark for the following seasons to come (which to a large extent, Grey's Anatomy failed to deliver) and for other shows to follow. Nonetheless, Grey's Anatomy Season 2 delivered and it shall remain pristine in that paramount structure of its own!

But this article, is not necessarily just about the show. It's a very personal entry. I mean of course, the song triggered the whole episode I had watched back in I believe 2005 or '06, but also how this song came about as a factor for so many things in life. My life. I have grown up listening to this song, and have somehow always managed to find myself lost in this particular limbo, which fascinates me beyond imagination. It reminds me of so many things, lessons, and most importantly of my life. So further on in this particular article, I shall touch upon both the serial and the personal impact of this particular episode.

So how does this function, well season two was full of insane drama, that honestly was quite grasping. It had various storyline running in the same plot, and the beauty of the finale (and technically the purpose also) was that it all came together in the end, the connected all the dots, and finished on that high volatile, emotionally charged note. You had the whole Addison-Derek-Meredith triangle going on, and it kept on getting more and more complex till the last episode where all the decisions are made, and then you had Izzie and Alex's relationship which would've turned out in this particular way (particularly positive) but then the whole Danny plot came in, and I think that was the catalyst of the whole season finale. And the Preston-Christina relationship also took quite turns. But as noted earlier, the last 3 minutes of the episode, when the ball is taking place, it all comes down. That my friends, is the time when the whole "Chasing Cars" starts playing. The remote background music of the strumming of the guitar, along with the drama packed ending is at it's best, and finishes at a very emotionally charged note of Danny's death, and which leaves Izzie scarred, and any fan could feel her pain, because all of us have been through that, that moment, when you're not okay with how it happened, when it's not fair, but it happens anyway.


How I connect to this episode, and especially this song specifically is as follows. For one, Grey's Anatomy has always been one of my favorite most drama shows to be telecasted. Not just because of it's drama, but the storyline, and the format, and character development, etc. I have sang this song to many people, I really like this song, but mostly because, of all the people I have sang this to, it includes one very special person, for reasons that can never end. This song also works into a very intricate storyline in my life, as it almost depicts this particular situation I have seen up close. 

I always found this sort of a meaning in this song to be honest, something that I could relate to at different times in my own life, some cryptic message that I always read through. This decrypting might not be up the best of it's standards, and to be honest is very personalized, and probably will be biased, for I tried to look for the meaning that fitted me best and the dynamics of the old meanings that I had always figured from this. It's rather a mixture of time and space. I believe, I chose to decipher this in this particular context because it suited my needs and reasons the best, hence anyone who begs to differ can do so, it's just the way I saw it.

To me, this song talks about this, painful, rather strong relationship between two people who try very hard to make it work, and they know they belong with each other, but just now now. The couple concerned here are trying so hard to figure out what to do, both of them giving each other direction towards that perfection, but being exhausted by the strength it takes ("I need your grace, to remind me, to find my own"). It's about that couple who know what they have, but still can't get it. It's not there yet, that failure which doesn't amount to a loss, yet in itself is a reason to count for pain of longing, it's about not having what you need ("Those three words, are said too much, but not enough"). The lack of comprehension of though is also clearly defined in this song. It talks of that stage in that relationship, where want is there, but lack of will is also evident. When nothing can quite justify or clear out rhyme and reason behind the plan of action. Even though it's quite vivid in it's nature in the singers head, but the singer knows that despite it being so clear, the articulation of the though lacks comprehension and structuring, that it is not to be understood by the others, to which the singer accepts the singers fault, and goes on to state the inner-most best way to explain his feelings ("I don't quite know, how to say, how I feel").
 
The chorus in it's dynamic most structure, in regards to the tune, the melody, the lyrics, never fails to amuse me. I always refer that the person who's singing this song is begging the other person to stay, to not leave, to state that it's not over. It's dysfunctional, but it's how it is. Where everyone will tell the other person otherwise, about what is to be done, what is the norm, but the person singing the song just is begging for that understanding the share to be evoked. For the other person to understand, that they're not the only one in pain, they are too! That plead can be clearly understood from these lines ("If I lay here, If I just lay here, Would you lie with me, and just forget the world?). The second chorus sees the addition of these lines which support the earlier and pleads for that comfort before all is lost, that dysfunctionality to work, before all that can be done is broken ("Forget what we're told, before we get too old, and show me a garden that's bursting into life").

And with this, I bid adieu on this entry, hope you all read it, and liked it, and if you please, do leave your valuable comments in regards to the writing, or content, or your own take on this. Constructive criticism is always welcomed.


Regards,

Nirjhar Bhattacharya

I'm Coming Home.

Hurt, I'm so glad your back.

I remember you vaguely!

Amidst chaos and the gratifying peace,

here you lay before me.

 

Naked, in silence,

In abundance and absurd amount.

You hide in the open,

I look for you, and you're all around.

It's not so much of a pain,

that you cause.

But the numbness of it all,

that leaves me like a carcass.  

I remember how your smile tasted,

sweet, bitter, all alike.

Some fun, some sad.

But of 'em all, mostly alive!

Memories, how do you not come to my mind?

How do you not remind me of what I was?

How do you pretend that you don't need to be here?

Why don't you understand it's over?

I can be here, and over you.

But then again, would you?

I can be there, somewhere somehow.

But then again, wouldn't you too?

If you know what loss is, 

Then please compansate me.

Fill me up with your longings,

For I cannot wait anymore.

Hurt, I don't want you to leave.

Because I know, you want the best for me.

Promise me, you'd laugh, cry and smile with me.

For without you, I'm incomplete. 

They say we all have our places in life.
A place which defines us.
A place which holds the moment forever.
A place which is ours to keep.

I'm home.

SO FAR AWAY!

Relationships are well rather a lot of hard work, believe it or not! Even the finest of relationships can fall into pieces if adequate time, understanding and effort isn't given to it! Well, of course that's the most basic of facts that everyone knows about relationships... so what is this entire blog about? Well read on, you'd find out yourself

You see, there is always this one person who always loves more in a relationship. Try not being that person, it's a bitter feeling. Which of course, doesn't mean you shouldn't put your heart and soul into making this relationship the most special thing, but you know just some downsides to be reckoned with! Well here is the thing, once you do figure out that you're the one who loves more, it'd always remind you that the other person falls short in some way or the other and you'd always want them to try harder.  Happens with everyone.

What really does bother pretty much anyone in a relationship is when the other person starts taking them for granted, intentionally or unintentionally... either way, hurts a bitch. See what bothers is the fact that somehow, you are always suppose to understand, and change your plans because supposedly the other persons plans are more grande! Well that's not true, in a relationship there is no "my problem is more serious, or bigger". Both the people need to see what they can do to satisfy the other person, that's why you compromise  in a relationship not sacrifice ! 

Expressing ones views are a major concern! You see, it all starts when you want to communicate but just becomes a dull activity because the reciprocative signals are aghast or even dead! Neither the guy nor the girl are magicians and as you kids like it now a days, Edward Cullen! No one can actually read anyones mind, shocking ... but nonetheless true indeed! Ever wondered why things go awry and you can't do anything about it? Well it's probably because you're not communicating your feelings thoroughly! Look it up on the net, and you'd find tons of thread posts referring to the same! You have to tell us that you'r sorry and mean it and make sure that we understand. Saying sorry isn't enough, I mean if someone hurt you would you be satisfied with just a sorry? No! of course not, so why do the same? Make them feel that you're sorry for what happened and you want to fix it. And it's not only about apologizing. If you can't express your love, even that goes down the drain, majorly! I mean how do we know if you can't tell us you love us. Yes it's not a routine exercise, but everyone needs to reminded (and believe me - a lot of times) that you love them, not just verbally, but physically, emotionally, etc, etc! Don't expect the other person to always take the initiative to hold your hands, to kiss you, to tell you that s/he loves you or pamper you! You're not here for recreational purposes! You're suppose to do all that your other partner is doing as well!

There are so many reasons that things can go wrong, not listening to the other person, not understanding, undermining, etc, etc. Probably one last one that i'll blog about today is how s/he is the last person to be bothered about. See, when that starts happening, it's a  m.a.j.o.r.  concern! If you're concerned about what your friends and family will think about your action more then how the other person would feel if you acted in a particular way, well then that's a big bad ass no! Few things need to be understood here however:

1. no one is trying to snatch you away from your friends, and most definitely family.
2.  it's not like your act is something of felony, it's something in regards to the relationship.
3.  it has nothing to do with offending anyone or anything of that sort,  because if that be the case, everyone is very smart i'm sure s/he would always understand why you decided to put your friends and families concerns above theirs!

But if it isn't as mentioned in the last point above, that is bound to leave some mark and a lot of scars! All of us should be more empathetic towards each other, and it's your relationship at the end up the day and  only you can make your call. If you choose to bother about silly little things and how they'd effect your image over the other persons feelings and concern then it shows something about you and not necessarily positive.

Just because a person works out a solution to problems whenever they arise, doesn't mean they'll do it always. Sometimes you need to do it to show that you actually care about this relationship and about his/her feelings. Don't run or shy away from facing the consequences or the situation. Both of your actions brought it upon you guys, then be sensible enough to figure out a solution to the problem. Don't wait for the other person to do it always! Don't push someone so much that they fall right off the cliff, because once that happens, there is no coming back. Guys must not go mad and crazy about every little tip off, and girls do not have to cry about everything that is not going according to their fairy tale version of "real life"

Breaking up is the easiest of things to do! Making a relationship is what proves that you're meant for it. It's better to fix what matters to you and what you love rather then let it all fall apart!