Epilogue

Here I sit, No stranger to this hour

With a mind so unrestful,
With provocative thoughts in my head,

Many of which, deals with reality of life.

As I sit through this ever so friendly hour,

I ponder, what could've been. Do I wish to know?
Every part of me knows it can't be figured,

Nor do I wish to know. But what if?

As I move past the reluctances of yesterday,

I stumble upon tomorrow.

How it eagerly awaits my entrance.
How I wish I could delay it.
And yet I know, all I want is, is her.

In her rawest form, with all her prerogatives

I want her, I want tomorrow.

It tells me of the confusion, the hardship that lays

It tells me of the fruit that it'll bore if it pays

And here I sit, procrastinating,

And judging, as I choose my steps carefully.

Moments pass, when I realize that what I miss

Is the thrill of serendipity, the nature of stupidity.

As I sit here, waiting for the dawning of tomorrow

I eagerly await the path of self discovery

That stands at my door, striving towards me

To which I run in these barren land.

I have nothing to hold me back

But my own fear of failure.

But today even that won't suffice,

For I have made up my mind.

I have chosen to be different.

I have chosen to be me.

I choose to be strong, and thus I am.

I choose to be naive, and thus I am.

I choose to be weak, and thus I am.

You choose to befool me, and here I am.

Gullible, and masochistic in my taste.

In that state of conscience, that I know who I am

And yet, surrender to your wrongdoings, I stand.

I can't learn from the insanity that you provide

Because in you is all the warmth that I find.

I wish to stop my slipping tongue,

But in the inebriation of your touch, I melt.

The thoughts that shoot through my mind

Speak of the only times that I remember.

I have been there a lot of times before,

Some worth a mention

Others choose not to mention themselves.

I have been there before, I will again

And yet the only wine to my thirst is your reminiscence.

The only hope to my box, is your smile

And the only guilt to my pleasure is your touch.

In that delight of mine, where you're perfect

Nothing can touch you. Nothing can harm.

You perish with time, but your memories shall stay

For the immortality my senses wish to know.

I have hurt you in times of need, crushed you,

Hurt you, and broken into many a piece.

But you retaliated with equal eager,

And this relationship of ours is what makes us sweeter.

In good health or bad taste, we stand together.

If you choose to be alone to day,

Then we're together in our solitude.

I bid you my farewell, with the sensuous touch

May you wake up tomorrow, in that picture that I have of you in my head.

May you wake up, with that smile that outshines tomorrows sun over head.

May you shine.

If I lay here

One of my favorite most TV drama shows had one of my favorite most episode, and I'm sure a lot of people would agree to the same.The show in itself, being a legend in the medium of silver screen, and has rendered itself to various sorts of critical acclaims post the premiering of this episode.

Which show am I talking about? Grey's Anatomy. And episode? The Season 2: Finale. The whole show seemed to be so complete with this particular episode. It just seemed like it all came together. The feeling of betrayal, anger, hurt, pain, hatred, love, lust, and above them all ... forgiveness. The true constituents of drama, in one show, in one tightly packed one-hour long run, and it all came down to ONE song, ONE end. Chasing Cars (Snow Patrol).

I firmly believe that, Chasing Cars owes its following and popularity to this particular feature, but the theory isn't one way, it works the other way around also. The finale could've been just one long episode with tears and longing and theatrical end, but would miss out on the most important part, an impact. So loud, so vibrant, that it would set the benchmark for the following seasons to come (which to a large extent, Grey's Anatomy failed to deliver) and for other shows to follow. Nonetheless, Grey's Anatomy Season 2 delivered and it shall remain pristine in that paramount structure of its own!

But this article, is not necessarily just about the show. It's a very personal entry. I mean of course, the song triggered the whole episode I had watched back in I believe 2005 or '06, but also how this song came about as a factor for so many things in life. My life. I have grown up listening to this song, and have somehow always managed to find myself lost in this particular limbo, which fascinates me beyond imagination. It reminds me of so many things, lessons, and most importantly of my life. So further on in this particular article, I shall touch upon both the serial and the personal impact of this particular episode.

So how does this function, well season two was full of insane drama, that honestly was quite grasping. It had various storyline running in the same plot, and the beauty of the finale (and technically the purpose also) was that it all came together in the end, the connected all the dots, and finished on that high volatile, emotionally charged note. You had the whole Addison-Derek-Meredith triangle going on, and it kept on getting more and more complex till the last episode where all the decisions are made, and then you had Izzie and Alex's relationship which would've turned out in this particular way (particularly positive) but then the whole Danny plot came in, and I think that was the catalyst of the whole season finale. And the Preston-Christina relationship also took quite turns. But as noted earlier, the last 3 minutes of the episode, when the ball is taking place, it all comes down. That my friends, is the time when the whole "Chasing Cars" starts playing. The remote background music of the strumming of the guitar, along with the drama packed ending is at it's best, and finishes at a very emotionally charged note of Danny's death, and which leaves Izzie scarred, and any fan could feel her pain, because all of us have been through that, that moment, when you're not okay with how it happened, when it's not fair, but it happens anyway.


How I connect to this episode, and especially this song specifically is as follows. For one, Grey's Anatomy has always been one of my favorite most drama shows to be telecasted. Not just because of it's drama, but the storyline, and the format, and character development, etc. I have sang this song to many people, I really like this song, but mostly because, of all the people I have sang this to, it includes one very special person, for reasons that can never end. This song also works into a very intricate storyline in my life, as it almost depicts this particular situation I have seen up close. 

I always found this sort of a meaning in this song to be honest, something that I could relate to at different times in my own life, some cryptic message that I always read through. This decrypting might not be up the best of it's standards, and to be honest is very personalized, and probably will be biased, for I tried to look for the meaning that fitted me best and the dynamics of the old meanings that I had always figured from this. It's rather a mixture of time and space. I believe, I chose to decipher this in this particular context because it suited my needs and reasons the best, hence anyone who begs to differ can do so, it's just the way I saw it.

To me, this song talks about this, painful, rather strong relationship between two people who try very hard to make it work, and they know they belong with each other, but just now now. The couple concerned here are trying so hard to figure out what to do, both of them giving each other direction towards that perfection, but being exhausted by the strength it takes ("I need your grace, to remind me, to find my own"). It's about that couple who know what they have, but still can't get it. It's not there yet, that failure which doesn't amount to a loss, yet in itself is a reason to count for pain of longing, it's about not having what you need ("Those three words, are said too much, but not enough"). The lack of comprehension of though is also clearly defined in this song. It talks of that stage in that relationship, where want is there, but lack of will is also evident. When nothing can quite justify or clear out rhyme and reason behind the plan of action. Even though it's quite vivid in it's nature in the singers head, but the singer knows that despite it being so clear, the articulation of the though lacks comprehension and structuring, that it is not to be understood by the others, to which the singer accepts the singers fault, and goes on to state the inner-most best way to explain his feelings ("I don't quite know, how to say, how I feel").
 
The chorus in it's dynamic most structure, in regards to the tune, the melody, the lyrics, never fails to amuse me. I always refer that the person who's singing this song is begging the other person to stay, to not leave, to state that it's not over. It's dysfunctional, but it's how it is. Where everyone will tell the other person otherwise, about what is to be done, what is the norm, but the person singing the song just is begging for that understanding the share to be evoked. For the other person to understand, that they're not the only one in pain, they are too! That plead can be clearly understood from these lines ("If I lay here, If I just lay here, Would you lie with me, and just forget the world?). The second chorus sees the addition of these lines which support the earlier and pleads for that comfort before all is lost, that dysfunctionality to work, before all that can be done is broken ("Forget what we're told, before we get too old, and show me a garden that's bursting into life").

And with this, I bid adieu on this entry, hope you all read it, and liked it, and if you please, do leave your valuable comments in regards to the writing, or content, or your own take on this. Constructive criticism is always welcomed.


Regards,

Nirjhar Bhattacharya

I'm Coming Home.

Hurt, I'm so glad your back.

I remember you vaguely!

Amidst chaos and the gratifying peace,

here you lay before me.

 

Naked, in silence,

In abundance and absurd amount.

You hide in the open,

I look for you, and you're all around.

It's not so much of a pain,

that you cause.

But the numbness of it all,

that leaves me like a carcass.  

I remember how your smile tasted,

sweet, bitter, all alike.

Some fun, some sad.

But of 'em all, mostly alive!

Memories, how do you not come to my mind?

How do you not remind me of what I was?

How do you pretend that you don't need to be here?

Why don't you understand it's over?

I can be here, and over you.

But then again, would you?

I can be there, somewhere somehow.

But then again, wouldn't you too?

If you know what loss is, 

Then please compansate me.

Fill me up with your longings,

For I cannot wait anymore.

Hurt, I don't want you to leave.

Because I know, you want the best for me.

Promise me, you'd laugh, cry and smile with me.

For without you, I'm incomplete. 

They say we all have our places in life.
A place which defines us.
A place which holds the moment forever.
A place which is ours to keep.

I'm home.

Raising Hope

Once upon a time
in a far far away land lived a beautiful soul,
made of smile, hearts and oh! so grande!
and there is a story that I'll unfold!


She was loved by all
and possessed by some,
but was never away from anyone's reach
just her disguise was common to none.

Some looked for her in their faith
some searched for her in their mind,
some searched for her when in misery
and comfort was all they were able to find!


She made no bias, she had no tilt
a simple soul to lift your heart,
she'd pick you up even if you leave her alone
and decide to give her another chance.

 She gave everyone a reason to believe
that all you need to hold is a rope,
sometimes she lied to make you smile
and with love we called her Hope.


She is one, she is all
she is some and sometimes she's tall,
 for some she's an amulet for some she's a piece of gold
for she is all that to me and a part of my soul!

 When all is gloomy, and the glass is half empty
she tells me that I'm not wrong yet I'm a fool!
I ask her what she means and she tells me
the worst is yet to come, and the glass is half full!

Time has changed, so did tide
the worst will come and break us all in our mind,
for we may wait, or we may walk
what we decide will always be the trail we leave behind!

You keep your hope, and I'll keep mine
some days are Sundays some are fine,
for some its just another phase, for some its divine

but if it's winter can the spring really be far behind?

- Nirjhar Bhattacharya

[p.s. this is probably the 4-5th version of "raising hope". I initially had started off with a normal blog entry ... and well "hope" was the central theme. but it over went quite a few changes and well, I'm quite glad I held it off for about 4 months now and I'm quite satisfied with the result! 

lately, things have been quite messed up. my result (board) didn't turn out so well ... and well I decided to give up on all that I had. And among it all, I had my one last hope left. My baby! She stuck around, helped me go through it all, even though she deserved more of the happiness then my misery. So this poem is really a dedication for you honey. 

I'm sorry I never ended up posting the other blog I was telling you about. But I hope you thoroughly enjoy this. 

forever and always, babe!]

[p.p.s. that photo says "THERE IS ALWAYS HOPE" on the extreme right]

Heavy goodbyes. Easy hellos.

If you ever thought everything ends in dismay, or perhaps sorry will bring this world down, or that pain is all around, then I'd suggest that you go the the ARRIVAL section of an Airport. It's quite the exotic place. You know, Mother picking up her child arrives from college, Father being received by his sons because he was out on a official tour, parents being received by their son and daughter-in-law after they arrive from a world tour. Wives picking up their husbands, Husbands picking up their wives, Boyfriend picking up his girlfriend, and so on.

Everyone has their own stories, some sweet, some mad, some angry, some hurtful, some quite variant in their nature to that of everyone else. But of it all, they ALL have one thing in common. That's love. The love that they feel for each other, the love that has made them come to this arrival section, to pick up their dearest ones, the ones they longed for so long.

You know, that son wanted to go to a law school and well there was a lot of fuss about him going there between him and his parents. If one saw them then, they'd think they're a wrecked family! The father is quite so never around because of his business trips, their family always has this huge vague in their circle, and the only fill for it is 200 Miles away! The parents who went on the world tour, well they were about to have a divorce, they filed it, but their son and daughter-in-law suggested they got for a world tour, just another way to give another chance to their relationship. That wife who went to pick up her husband? Yeah, he was away for serving his nation and they hadn't met for 8 months now. The couple, that'd be the boyfriend and the girlfriend, the always fought ... it got quite so gruesome if you ask me at a point. 


But at that moment, then and there, it didn't matter. Because everyone's sad story had a happy ending to it. Well maybe not happy ending, but definitely a moment of spark that mattered. But one would be quite surprise to notice that love, actually never quite runs out, or gets wasted. It's there. Always. You just have to find it. In the billionth of fights, only one kiss really matters. That's the one that fixes all of the problem. You can see that when you're standing at the airport. Everyone is just so excited to have their loved ones back in their lives. Maybe they'll go home and fight, maybe wait for another few days and fight, or maybe just fight in the drive back home. But they'd know, they have found those loved ones they can fight with. 


And at the end of it all, if you ever feel sedated by sorry, think of the Arrival section of an airport. And make the person you're tired of come through those gates. It works. I tried it. Love never leaves you alone. Even when you're the only feeling it. :)And if you really look at it. It's easier to say hellos, then goodbyes. <3