Remember Me

A lot has happened since I last wrote. But apparently nothing that really moved me enough to write happened, so I guess I just let things be. But today, as I sit in front of this black box of electronic equipment and I write my heart out again, I have so many things that run through my head - Good, Bad, horrible, and the nicest. How do I write it all down in 3 paragraphs? I have never quite been able to do that anyway. So I guess here goes an attempt.

Anyone who has ever read my blogs before is well aware of the inspirations in various of them, the muse. So as today I write again, it's her. But things have changed over time so much, that today I feel the whole conclusion to this post will be different. But I also have faith in the fact that it will be good. 

We had started fighting a long time back about a year and a half or so ago. But things were different then, reasons were not so strong, we were juvenile in our demands. But that always worked for us you know? A damage that small was always easier to fix. It was a small cut, and the band aid would just do fine. But somehow ego, wants, demands, bedlam, everything came into it's own play, and one fine day she left. It hurt us both, not just me ... I knew for a fact it tore her apart. And I wanted to wait, it hurt too much to let her go. But after a lot of scorns and persuasion and I decided and realized that I had to move on, so I did. Or so I thought. See the problem with moving on is, either you do it entirely, or you don't do it at all. Every time you do something half - baked, it is bound to backfire on you down the line. Irrespective of our decisions made, we kept in touch. It all seemed good back then. If I look back now, I guess I'd still keep it that way. But then, we fought a lot. On a lot of matters. But that was us - One more fight - One more night - One more band aid.

But that's how the story unfolds! So this one fine night, I was out of town, and we were speaking over the telephone, and she asked if I'd want to get back. I honestly knew I did, but I also knew there were so many things to fix that we just would have to or else, this broken house would never be our home. So I said, we have to work things out and see. See, there is the second problem there - thinking emotions will NOT take the better of you. We were at it honestly, trying to mend things. See things through each others eyes ... but habits are hard to lose and impossible to mend. We both came back to our old ways - taking each other for granted, demanding, having exceptions, complaining, etc. And then as I would like to see it, and I firmly believe too, I ran away form the relationship as a coward person would. There were troubles, I figured I made a miscalculation and had jumped to conclusions, and then decided to leave and not live up to my own decision.

I guess, even that is fine. I thought, I messed up one decision, I'll make sure I don't mess up this one. But that's not true, is it now? You can truly never know how hard it is going to be, till it is. The withdraw syndrome is always the worst you know? I knew I needed her, and only her and I knew I couldn't have her right now either. So one fine day, after hurting her all over again, I decide it's about time I tell her I'm gonna stick around and not let her get over me. So I do that very conveniently, in a hope that she'd understand what I did, and why I did it. And we go back to our old arrangement, we work things out before we get back.

But for a change, I thought I'll figure this out. And I made a right decision. I didn't want anything to get too serious, before we got back, because we were good with messing things up. Both of us. We were in love, and we were idiots. But there were technically two mistakes we made. 1. We became too emotionally involved, I guess neither of us could help that; and 2. We just kept on saying "we'll fix this", when honestly that was never happening, or even if was, at such a rate that it was impossible to foresee the outcome. And there followed the fights, the cries, the issues, the scars and the band aids. And one fine day, I said - this isn't right, because band aids aren't fixing anything. 

But see, that's not the entire story. I have my own reasoning behind it. Feelings, understandings, conclusions, I strongly believe in. See there is no 'big picture' that you can look at. There is no cover of the book that you can judge by, you have to read all the chapters to understand what happened and why. Why did I do, what I believe I had to. To start with, I don't know if the decision I made was ever right or not. Seeing my history of wrong and weak decision making, this probably is to. But unlike other times, I've actually learnt something from the past, the niche has changed, and I have decided to be strong. 

There were few things that started to bother me. This whole phase was about fixing things. And I was sure about the fact that I will only give into this if everything is fixed, and I swear to god, I swear on all that I've ever known, I tried, really hard to hold on for the longest that I could've. But the fights, the arguments, they were just getting too overwhelming. Too much for me to handle. There came a time, when I was just fighting couldn't really recall the cause. Didn't know what was I bleeding for, what was that effort all about. But then I thought, it must be just my indecisiveness, my cowardliness, and I tried playing it off. But then the unfathomable happens, you realize you can't. There was just so much blood, so much tension, so much negativity, and I was getting tired of this. I didn't feel the same, and everything else seemed to be a sweet escape. It's almost as if I had worn out, and I didn't have it in me to handle other people's problem about me, us, others, and nothing. I had so much for myself that everyone else's seemed secondary. There was just too much broken to go old ways. It felt as if I am standing on the corner, and I have only these two options left - something or nothing.

In that moment, it wasn't very hard to choose. There were issues, angst, hurt, pain, discontent. We both wanted things our way. We both wanted each other to change to cater to the others demands. But then it hit me, I can't and shouldn't ask someone to be the way I want them to be and then accept them. Because then I'm not really accepting 'them' am I? They want to change because it suits their needs, it's a different thing, but not to please me specifically. And the same applied on her. I couldn't change myself to that extent. And this is human nature, i felt that why should I understand so much when she can't. And I'm assuming, she felt the same. I might be wrong, I probably am, but I always felt that I'm giving more up for this then she is. Might not be true, probably isn't. But that's how I felt. I tried reasoning with all the defenses that were given to me. And I honestly agree with all of it. She did all of that. But then again, it was all a try, never quite the end conclusion. And I guess, after a year and a half ... a try just isn't enough. I feel guilty for feeling that way, but I know it's alright. But I'd rather be honest about it then lie ... I believe if you're trying everyday and still nothing is coming out of it then either you're not trying at all, or not trying hard enough. it's true for me too, I kept on saying I'm trying. But I guess I wasn't ... or else she wouldn't have any issues either. But we bled and bled and bled, till I figured we can't bleed anymore, and I'm the reason she's bleeding for.

It didn't seem right to be ignorant to the truth. I knew she was hurting because of me. Her health was taking a toll, she wasn't happy. She'd complain I don't understand her, that her I always crib when she's with her friends. And that did it, I believed her. And I never imagined that I'd be that guy. I thought I'll make the girl happy, whosoever I'm with. And I choose to quit and let her feel the hurt for now, and be happy in the long run. Rather then let her hurt everyday, and not smile ever. It is wonderful to have a wonderful friend by losing a broken thread, rather then to hold on to that rope till it completely breaks. I knew if I hadn't done this, it would've rotten to the extent, that we'd not ever want to meet each other. 

I know it's hard on her. I can't possibly imagine how upset she might be. But I know, she'd heal. She needs to happy, and I'd rather hurt her in one go then everyday. She deserves better. Maybe that'd be someone else, maybe that'd be me. I don't know, and I'm fine either way. Maybe I'll find someone else, maybe I won't find anyone. But if we EVER do end up together again, a year from now, two years, or five ... we'd be different us. And honestly, I wouldn't want the old us. And that was our problem, we wanted the 'us we were' and not the 'us we should be'. We lost it in translation. I wish, I can mend all things, and ease away the pain. But I know I can't. If I do again, we'd fall onto the same old vicious cycle ... and we can't afford that. I wish, I could heal her. Me.
 

This is the last chapter of this book 'seasons'. But I learnt something a long while ago, time moves on always, good bad and bad both happen alike ... in life you have to leave the pages at the end empty for you may not like what happens, but you ought to write it.

I hope that when we'd look back now, it won't be the remembrance of the fights, arguments and cries ... but the memories of the good times we had. 

Epilogue

Here I sit, No stranger to this hour

With a mind so unrestful,
With provocative thoughts in my head,

Many of which, deals with reality of life.

As I sit through this ever so friendly hour,

I ponder, what could've been. Do I wish to know?
Every part of me knows it can't be figured,

Nor do I wish to know. But what if?

As I move past the reluctances of yesterday,

I stumble upon tomorrow.

How it eagerly awaits my entrance.
How I wish I could delay it.
And yet I know, all I want is, is her.

In her rawest form, with all her prerogatives

I want her, I want tomorrow.

It tells me of the confusion, the hardship that lays

It tells me of the fruit that it'll bore if it pays

And here I sit, procrastinating,

And judging, as I choose my steps carefully.

Moments pass, when I realize that what I miss

Is the thrill of serendipity, the nature of stupidity.

As I sit here, waiting for the dawning of tomorrow

I eagerly await the path of self discovery

That stands at my door, striving towards me

To which I run in these barren land.

I have nothing to hold me back

But my own fear of failure.

But today even that won't suffice,

For I have made up my mind.

I have chosen to be different.

I have chosen to be me.

I choose to be strong, and thus I am.

I choose to be naive, and thus I am.

I choose to be weak, and thus I am.

You choose to befool me, and here I am.

Gullible, and masochistic in my taste.

In that state of conscience, that I know who I am

And yet, surrender to your wrongdoings, I stand.

I can't learn from the insanity that you provide

Because in you is all the warmth that I find.

I wish to stop my slipping tongue,

But in the inebriation of your touch, I melt.

The thoughts that shoot through my mind

Speak of the only times that I remember.

I have been there a lot of times before,

Some worth a mention

Others choose not to mention themselves.

I have been there before, I will again

And yet the only wine to my thirst is your reminiscence.

The only hope to my box, is your smile

And the only guilt to my pleasure is your touch.

In that delight of mine, where you're perfect

Nothing can touch you. Nothing can harm.

You perish with time, but your memories shall stay

For the immortality my senses wish to know.

I have hurt you in times of need, crushed you,

Hurt you, and broken into many a piece.

But you retaliated with equal eager,

And this relationship of ours is what makes us sweeter.

In good health or bad taste, we stand together.

If you choose to be alone to day,

Then we're together in our solitude.

I bid you my farewell, with the sensuous touch

May you wake up tomorrow, in that picture that I have of you in my head.

May you wake up, with that smile that outshines tomorrows sun over head.

May you shine.

Paradise of the lost (A happy story)

Okay so this particular entry is special in a lot of ways. Firstly, it's called 'Paradise of the lost'. The reason for that being a special occasion is because, I was actually writing another entry named the same about a year or so ago, but that never saw the light of the day. It's still in my draft box, but I honestly couldn't have chosen another name that fit my entry so perfectly! Secondly, I had 'Summer Paradise' by Simple Plan on my media player, which was on loop and currently is playing in LOUD level : Insane in my head (because, my brother is sleeping in the bed next to my desktop, possibly can't have him wake up and kill me), that song gets me all, happy and chirpy and bubbly you know? Thirdly, because couple of readers amongst you, I wouldn't call them fans, but just humble readers of mine who contacted me on two occasions, one of them who felt it to be close to her hearts because she could relate to my writing, and the other who was rather 'disappointed' in me for not writing enough - to both of you madames I'm greatly and forever thankful for letting me know that someone actually does bother reading what I write, and appreciates the same. Not to mean that others reading is less effective and valuable to me, but it's just they told me so, hence the mention. In that regards, thank you to the both of you, and everyone who reads all that jargon that I paste every once in a while. :) . Fourthly, that picture up there, if you notice is different then the pictures I always use. For one it is in color. With of course a darker shade, but that was accidental. And furthermore, its a picture that I myself had taken with my phone when it was still in its functioning mode. And I loved the color and the imagery that came about, and now that I'm writing about the following incidence, I can't think of any picture to use other than this because this shares the same emotion from my side as my story. And lastly, but definitely not the least, the fifth reason which is essentially the topic of today's entry - That one rainy morning that I woke up. :)

It's a very constructive incidence. I don't really know why it is so important to me, but it is THE most important memory, one of the most special feelings I have. It makes me ecstatic every time I think of it. It get me giddy-o-jolly! Its like that no other feeling I have ever felt before. And to be honest, I don't really even like the rain. I like the pre-rain moment when it's all dark and cloudy and there's wind and you know that moment of thunder and storm, that I love. But the rain, argh! I just never quite liked the mud that much. But it changed a lot that day. I perhaps will never like rain after that again, or maybe this will change all and everything I think of rain, I guess I'll find out in the monsoon, but that very first summer shower, blew me right off of my feet.

So how is the rain so important? I don't really know. It's funny, because it's the blimmy hot summer of Delhi, and this one night when I was talking to Arushi on the phone, it was really really hot and I was like you know I wish it rains, it's really hot and Arushi was like, well you gotta wait another few months for it not happening now. And after our talk was over, I went off to sleep. 

The next morning, as I remember it I was on my bed, and I'm assuming it to be around 7.30 A.M. in the morning, I kinda false-awake and I'm just laying in my bed, stuck in my own bedlam, feeling cold from the left over the air conditioner, and and woken from this dream that I can't quite recollect, and in a very distant place, I could hear of what I could tell from the noise a distorted noise. But funny as it was, that distortion sounded like a serenade to my ears. I heard it and wanted to fall back asleep to it, that sound made me feel relaxed, humble, benevolent. I closed my eyes again, still on the borders of my bedlam and wishful-thinking, almost as if I was fixated in this trans. And then it hit me, like a meteorite. No, not a meteorite, that feeling neither have I felt nor you, so won't be able to tell, it hit me like that emotion you feel when you want something very badly, but then you forget about it and it doesn't matter anymore ... till it actually happens. Yes! exactly that feeling, the feeling was exactly the same, without any error.I realized then what I heard, that epiphany of distortion was nothing but the sweet sound of rain that was being the guest to my ears. To that melancholy cry of gloom rose my ears that smiled from one end to another. And I ran, I ran toward my back porch/garden. To which I witnessed one of the most phenomenal weather, moment, emotion, memory ever. Everything changed then, I mean it everything. I always though rain was meant for deeper understanding of life, but always in a negative context. The gloom glorified it, but at that moment it was nothing but pure, rawest form of joy that was bursting from my heart. Everything I ever felt about rain had changed. I could almost see the beauty of sorry in it. No, I saw it. It was there, glimpsing at me, staring bravely at me asking me to embrace it. And I did. There was no way around it. I had to for it had such a presence.

Now all of you reading this must be thinking, why's a rain so important. Happens every year. A lot of times. True that, it does! It's not that it was the first summer shower. It's not really the wishful thinking either. I don't know what it is, and honestly I don't want to find out either. Because, the naivety of the situation will be lost if I try too hard to find out. That special tag that has been bestowed to it by the gods and goddesses themselves will lose it's touch. I don't want to upset Zeus for the sounds that woke me that one fine morning. When you have Aeolus drawing his masterpiece, it's best to sit in the corner and observe and lend yourself to the free treat.

I'm sure all of us can relate to this on some level or the other. It's like that one memory, if not as strong as this (or as weak as this for the ones who have a stronger one) which they wouldn't exchange for even the longed wishes they've had for years. For things that matter far beyond the nuisance of this completely absurd, pointless yet much priced incidence. It's like my own Petronus Charm, so whenever I feel gloomy. I feel agitate, or lost or upset ... I close my eyes and think of that very moment when I woke up. That feeling I felt and there it is, my own stag ... my own 'Expecto Petronum'.

Maybe this isn't one my best writing piece, maybe this isn't good at all. But it's special, because it's a day, a moment, a very personal memory from my life that I've shared with you. Maybe it doesn't hold any value for you, perhaps it wont move you. But I hope you remember it. And look for this feeling deep in you, or look for it outside, if you haven't found it yet. It's all in there. That positivity is waiting to be lit by you, do that ... and it'll radiate on it's own.

Regards,
Nirjhar :)

If I lay here

One of my favorite most TV drama shows had one of my favorite most episode, and I'm sure a lot of people would agree to the same.The show in itself, being a legend in the medium of silver screen, and has rendered itself to various sorts of critical acclaims post the premiering of this episode.

Which show am I talking about? Grey's Anatomy. And episode? The Season 2: Finale. The whole show seemed to be so complete with this particular episode. It just seemed like it all came together. The feeling of betrayal, anger, hurt, pain, hatred, love, lust, and above them all ... forgiveness. The true constituents of drama, in one show, in one tightly packed one-hour long run, and it all came down to ONE song, ONE end. Chasing Cars (Snow Patrol).

I firmly believe that, Chasing Cars owes its following and popularity to this particular feature, but the theory isn't one way, it works the other way around also. The finale could've been just one long episode with tears and longing and theatrical end, but would miss out on the most important part, an impact. So loud, so vibrant, that it would set the benchmark for the following seasons to come (which to a large extent, Grey's Anatomy failed to deliver) and for other shows to follow. Nonetheless, Grey's Anatomy Season 2 delivered and it shall remain pristine in that paramount structure of its own!

But this article, is not necessarily just about the show. It's a very personal entry. I mean of course, the song triggered the whole episode I had watched back in I believe 2005 or '06, but also how this song came about as a factor for so many things in life. My life. I have grown up listening to this song, and have somehow always managed to find myself lost in this particular limbo, which fascinates me beyond imagination. It reminds me of so many things, lessons, and most importantly of my life. So further on in this particular article, I shall touch upon both the serial and the personal impact of this particular episode.

So how does this function, well season two was full of insane drama, that honestly was quite grasping. It had various storyline running in the same plot, and the beauty of the finale (and technically the purpose also) was that it all came together in the end, the connected all the dots, and finished on that high volatile, emotionally charged note. You had the whole Addison-Derek-Meredith triangle going on, and it kept on getting more and more complex till the last episode where all the decisions are made, and then you had Izzie and Alex's relationship which would've turned out in this particular way (particularly positive) but then the whole Danny plot came in, and I think that was the catalyst of the whole season finale. And the Preston-Christina relationship also took quite turns. But as noted earlier, the last 3 minutes of the episode, when the ball is taking place, it all comes down. That my friends, is the time when the whole "Chasing Cars" starts playing. The remote background music of the strumming of the guitar, along with the drama packed ending is at it's best, and finishes at a very emotionally charged note of Danny's death, and which leaves Izzie scarred, and any fan could feel her pain, because all of us have been through that, that moment, when you're not okay with how it happened, when it's not fair, but it happens anyway.


How I connect to this episode, and especially this song specifically is as follows. For one, Grey's Anatomy has always been one of my favorite most drama shows to be telecasted. Not just because of it's drama, but the storyline, and the format, and character development, etc. I have sang this song to many people, I really like this song, but mostly because, of all the people I have sang this to, it includes one very special person, for reasons that can never end. This song also works into a very intricate storyline in my life, as it almost depicts this particular situation I have seen up close. 

I always found this sort of a meaning in this song to be honest, something that I could relate to at different times in my own life, some cryptic message that I always read through. This decrypting might not be up the best of it's standards, and to be honest is very personalized, and probably will be biased, for I tried to look for the meaning that fitted me best and the dynamics of the old meanings that I had always figured from this. It's rather a mixture of time and space. I believe, I chose to decipher this in this particular context because it suited my needs and reasons the best, hence anyone who begs to differ can do so, it's just the way I saw it.

To me, this song talks about this, painful, rather strong relationship between two people who try very hard to make it work, and they know they belong with each other, but just now now. The couple concerned here are trying so hard to figure out what to do, both of them giving each other direction towards that perfection, but being exhausted by the strength it takes ("I need your grace, to remind me, to find my own"). It's about that couple who know what they have, but still can't get it. It's not there yet, that failure which doesn't amount to a loss, yet in itself is a reason to count for pain of longing, it's about not having what you need ("Those three words, are said too much, but not enough"). The lack of comprehension of though is also clearly defined in this song. It talks of that stage in that relationship, where want is there, but lack of will is also evident. When nothing can quite justify or clear out rhyme and reason behind the plan of action. Even though it's quite vivid in it's nature in the singers head, but the singer knows that despite it being so clear, the articulation of the though lacks comprehension and structuring, that it is not to be understood by the others, to which the singer accepts the singers fault, and goes on to state the inner-most best way to explain his feelings ("I don't quite know, how to say, how I feel").
 
The chorus in it's dynamic most structure, in regards to the tune, the melody, the lyrics, never fails to amuse me. I always refer that the person who's singing this song is begging the other person to stay, to not leave, to state that it's not over. It's dysfunctional, but it's how it is. Where everyone will tell the other person otherwise, about what is to be done, what is the norm, but the person singing the song just is begging for that understanding the share to be evoked. For the other person to understand, that they're not the only one in pain, they are too! That plead can be clearly understood from these lines ("If I lay here, If I just lay here, Would you lie with me, and just forget the world?). The second chorus sees the addition of these lines which support the earlier and pleads for that comfort before all is lost, that dysfunctionality to work, before all that can be done is broken ("Forget what we're told, before we get too old, and show me a garden that's bursting into life").

And with this, I bid adieu on this entry, hope you all read it, and liked it, and if you please, do leave your valuable comments in regards to the writing, or content, or your own take on this. Constructive criticism is always welcomed.


Regards,

Nirjhar Bhattacharya

Anecdoted footnote

In that space of honesty, the hurt and pain that presume its identity is impeccable. You can't quite escape it. What do you do? What do you say? There is the loss of loved ones, the ones who matter the most, the ones who always will. On the other hand, you have the promise that you had once made, that promise to be true to your best. Or do you pay heed to your history, which you don't want to repeat, because you  know that the later you speak, the harder it gets. The worse it makes you feel. Do you choose to be different, or do you choose to be honest?

It doesn't mean, it's an end to a bond that had it's own warmth. But rather a new of defining and living up to it. Sometimes, it takes time, other times, it takes a reason. Either way, what you need is that moment to live in, that moment that says it all, that moment that defines it. That moment, which looks beyond the pain, which looks beyond the hurt, that looks beyond the fragility of the situation.

And that moment, is ours.

Mr. Nice Guy

Hello, my name is Nobody. Nobody Cares. And this is my story. I'm insecure, I'm confused. I don't really usually know what I want, and I'm sometimes very sure of what I want. I don't know what to do when I don't want to do something, I don't know how to be a better person. But I try to make the most of me anyway!

Everyday is like this new chapter to this huge book that I'm writing known as life. Where everyone wants me to know about something or the other, where I'm suppose to make cautious decisions, where I'm suppose to know what I'm doing. But I don't. I don't think anyone does. I can try to be strong, and smart and sharp. But we all know that we're lying from someone or the other. We can't be what we are, because we're always so fixated on the fact that we want to be something, someone else. Sometimes to please others, sometimes to please ourselves. I do it too. I'm no different. I preach for things I fall short of. And I'm not perfect. But I try.

I'm weak. Sometimes strong on the surface, sometimes hollow till the end. I'm jealous, I'm scared of losing the ones I love. I fight for the wrong causes, and insane reasons. I understand things, that can be sometimes not so important, and not understand certain things which require me to do so. I try loving, I fail at it. I try being the best that I can, sometimes it's a good day, other are under the weather. But I never give up. I keep on going at it.

I make decisions, knowing the consequences. Consequences, of which I'm not very sure of. Hell I'm not even sure if my decisions are right or not. But I make it anyway, mostly because I have always believed in two things Hope and Faith. I guess if anyone has that, anyone can go anywhere. I guess I'll keep hoping I won't lose faith in that.

I like to runaway all the times, mostly because I don't know what to do. But I do it anyway. Because running away isn't the answer. Being a coward to reality is being fake through out. Sometimes I sacrifice things I want because losing what is on the other end of the line is much more important and I can't bear that. Sometimes I don't sacrifice, because I always wonder does the other person feel the same way too? I guess someday I'll find out, and if not, I was never suppose to and move on.

I'm not wise enough to make strong decisions. I need someone to guide me always. I always have someone or the other for that. For that I'm thankful. But is it ever enough? I guess not. The decisions I make are based on emotion and not rationale. Then again, I was always about the earlier, latter is just faux pas. But without decisions being made, there won't ever be any conclusions. And I always like to see the end of things.

I'm scared I'm gonna lose everything I stand for. Everything I have worked for. Everything I care about, and everything I have done to protect and grow. And maybe I will. It has happened before. It hurts, it breaks you down, and it shatters you. I shut down for a while. But it's never enough to stop me. Because if I am not afraid of losing somethings in life, I'll never have them.

I'm the not rightest person to be judged, mostly because you'll judge me wrong. Maybe you'll think I'm a nice guy - I guess I'm not. Maybe otherwise. But all in all, I'm sure, someday, somehow I'll know what I want, and I'll be a better me.

I'll be Somebody. Somebody Cares.

Farewell Ballad

If you ever actually sit down and think about it, time ACTUALLY flies by before you even know it. As now I look back, 2011 had just started like just the other day, and here we are standing at the brink of this year, somewhat excited, somewhat anxious, but nonetheless waiting for the "New Year" to harbinger happiness and peace and love into our lives. For some it's about the so-long-much-awaited "open MUN-ing season" (yes I'm referring to me here), for some it's just about going back to college, or just getting on with our life with the hope that it'll be less of a sh*t as compared to last year.


But as I sit back here, on this really fuc*ed up revolving chair, which by the way I love (just for the record), and glance upon what all has happened this year, I think I should do a dedicatory "timeline" for my blogsite. It's necessary. The reason why it's not exactly 'just' a note to the people who made a hell lot of sense this year but also a timeline, because these are actually the bits and pieces of my 2011. Anywho, I hope everyone is on the list, and if I DO miss out on someone, I'm sorry. :(

Well I don't think there is ANYWAY that I can possibly skip the 30th March, 2011. That's my first anniversary. You know, it was big! I have had never gone this far ahead in a relationship. I guess I had finally found the one, that one purpose that actually mattered a lot. My baby. Also, because 30th March was actually her birthday, all the more reason to celebrate it. I made the huge-as*est card ever. And I hope she liked it. It was fun.


Some days later, and that because I don't really remember the "date", my matriculation results came out. And boy was that a disaster. It was insane. You know I got a 82.5 exactly, if I'm not wrong and I really thought I'd end up nowhere. And life was all scattered after that for a while. I tried it all you know? I went for those ECA trials, I was out there scavenging in the North Campus till like 10 at night giving auditions only to fail. It was like all those "my life isn't perfect" songs? Yeah they just became like the story of my life.


And you know what they say, when one thing goes wrong, it ALL goes wrong. And so it did. It was the perfect life then. I'd like to call it the 'Opera of Catastrophe'. I think it was around May or like June, something like that that my then-girlfriend she left me. Some reasons, justified ... some not. Overall, I was confused and messed up. And it took a hell lotta stuff to figure myself out post that.


But thank god for college, it was amazing. I mean I think I couldn't have gone though it all without college, and my new found friends there. What an amazing bunch of fellows. So thank you to all of you, and I hope you remember me too!


Arushi: I know things went wrong between the two of us, and we fu*ked up a lot of things, including the bond that we shared, but thank you so much, for always being such a great friend. And I really hope, we can work it all out. Because, it's always so amazing to have you around. ^_^


Jhancar: Somehow, I really like the ring to Jhankar with a 'c' you know? But mostly, thank you for being there when I needed you the most. It's like we fight, we debate, and we console, and we do it best. I don't think this entire 2011 journey would've been as simple as it was without your heroics your your mom's dramatics, what a sweetheart she is. :) . I'm glad you've found someone for yourself finally. Let him know he's your shining star, and I'm sure he'll shine just for you. ^_^.


Pragya: You know you're my favorite most in the Wasan family ever? I mean, quite the start we had there. ;) . And I'm extremely sorry if you feel that I keep Arushi busy and away from you, you know I don't mean to do that right? Because, love matter of fact is, I love you. ^_^. And it's so nice to know that minus all that weirdness of yours, and yes you're WEIRD, you actually do like me. :) . I promise, I'll always take care of you. :)


Kitty Aunty (Maasi): The name says it all. Period.


Gautam: Dude, you're the man. Thanks for ALWAYS being there. It's been ages since we've been friends, and I can tell you one thing man, I can never get tired of you. :). You always looked after me and picked me up. So thanks so very much for that. However, word of advice - Don't make your life-changing decisions without my consent, you royally fu*k it up bro. :p

Bhuvan: LOL, you probably know it all, cause I told you that day. :p . So yeah, it's pretty much that. Once a bro, always a bro. XD


Sonal: Yes, you have earned yourself the title of "Dramaqueen" in my life. :) . I have never seen someone as dramatic and hungry for gossip in my entire life. You have no idea how cool that makes you. I love you so very much, and I miss you every day. It's not even funny how true that is.


Ridhima: I know you think I'm an arse, for losing touch with you once you left post graduation, but hey, I was trying to be nice by you know making it easier for you. :p . Well that's atleast the best that I could come up with. You know you're the shawty in my life? So keep shining there. (: . And I promise I'll meet you before you leave. Pakka Pakka promise. :)

Veer: Yeah man, I know we don't chill out a lot and all, but I don't think History Honors would've been any easier without you to chill out with. I hope, for both of our sake that we don't get any E.R.s ;)




Yogini: Oh god what would I EVER do without some tiny-midity thing running around in my life at the speed of light? Thank you so much for befriending me, I still can't forget our first day at college, whatta stud we were. ;) . Thank you for making MUNs so much and pretty much EVERYTHING else so much fun. ^_^ .

Sukriti: Yes it has to be you. Our barriers, as I would like to call it, I'm glad we surpassed those. Because I really now think back and can say, I'm glad it happened, I wouldn't want to lose out on a friend like you. You're irritating, and weird and cranky, but I guess that's what makes you so much like yourself. ;)

Arpit: Dude, that lighter of yours - life savior bro, life savior. Haha, let the college re-open we shall chill out together. And I guess, amongst the lots, I really gelled pretty well with you so that works for me totally. Now, you and ^ , get over your fight and fix things up. :)

Okelo: Please correct me if I got your name's spelling wrong. But, mate you're one of the most nicest and humblest person I have ever met. Thank you so much for teaching me so many things about being "humble". Keep that guitar rocking mate. :)


Karan: I don't know how, but you're somehow suppose to be from DPS, RKP. Yeah well, best of luck with that. :p . Thank you for being the amazing-self that you always are, which also includes momentary-into-infinity rounds of your confusion, but I think that works for you doesn't it?


Akanksha: Ha, you're the "ECO HONS MAKES LIFE MISERABLE" types. Haha, but it's always so nice to hang out with you and you know our occasional QD trips. Yeah they're the shiz. :)







Nishesh: Ah, you my friend are THE coolest person ever. I have learned so much from you as a senior, and your advices in regards to you know the little problem I had when I got into college, thank you so much for that. And it's been a sheer pleasure to do MUNs with you. Which is I'm sorry - but very important. :)


Manaav: I don't think I can EVER forget our talks at freezing temperature at Nishesh's roof, cause it was just cool like that. Thank you for opening up to me, and helping me out and settle me in the college. That was really nice on your part. Merci. :)

Parth: I think they best way to put it, you're the funny guy. Well after Soni. You know, how you handle things, it's just hilarious. It's always so nice to hang out with you. And just for the record, you never actually gave me the Hindi - 10 years. So yeah. If I fail, it's your fault. :p

Surabhi: I remember the first time I met you at the MUNitions, you were off the hook scary. I was like, that's one senior you don't wanna get to know. But dang, was I wrong? You're the stupidest person ever. And I mean it as a compliment you know, like in the nice way. Of course you're not stupid, you're doing Eco Hons. and you get good grades. Cheers to you!

Soni: Ah, Dr.G. ;) If you know what I mean. Thank you for making my college life so much "entertaining". :) And even more for sharing your secrets and thinking I'm worth sharing with. I wish you luck for your future ventures in the lines of MUNs and hopefully we'll get to work together soon. ^_^




Das: I know we got off to not-so-nice start, but thank you so much for being such a great friend, and an amazing mentor. I have learnt so much from you. About so many things, not even just MUNs, and well okay a lot about point of orders. But no seriously, I don't think I would've been where I am today, if I didn't do it because I wanted to prove myself to you. I hope someday you're very proud for the fact that I was part of MUNitions and actually consider me part of it (yes I'll attend the training sessions - I promise).

 
Chaitanya GS: Haha, I love that "GS" in your name. You are one of those amazing guys to work with, and even more than that the most amazing friend ever. I mean we didn't even know each other and we jelled so well. Thanks mate. :) Hope to work with you soon.

 
Sasha: My singing friend, thank you for believing in me, and letting me on board at AIMUN. It's so nice to have a special friend like you. It's insane, meet me soon. Or else I'm coming to C.R.Park. ;)




Richa: Oh you're my lucky charm now! But more than that, you're a great friend. Thank you for making MUNs so much more interesting. It's not even funny how funny you can actually be, and especially your resemblance to Olive, just like a better version of course. I really really hope we get to work together sometime. :)


Sankritik: It was so easy to gel with you man, we totally gotta chill out sometimes. I mean AIMUN was literally all chill because of you. And I did finally learn the "Waterfall" trick all thanks to you. ^_^ . Stay EPIC bro. :)


Purvasha: Tum kitni chiller ho. Thank you for letting me crash at your place without even knowing me. And even more having your mom make "Chicken" when you guys' have been veterinarians for so long, it was insane. And I have met your several times afterwards, it just doesn't get any better. You'd always be my "dal makhni"!


Utsav: It's really nice to come across people like you because, you're really nice and humble and I especially really enjoy your company because you're so much fun to chill out with. We should totally hang out together. Someone has to make a "Hauz Khas Fort" plan soon. ;) . Get puru along. Thank you for being a friend.


Mohita: Whatta start we had. We didn't even remember each other. haha. But DUMUN was quite the turning point in our lives, and LEAD of course. I hope to work with your soon. When you're Russia and I'm USA, and we're NOT in ECOSOC. :p . But thank  you for sharing your life with me, it's been a splendid journey. ^_^


Asia: Dimsum. :) . I have always had so much of respect for you because you're just so cool that way. And you know they way you have inspired me to be such a better person and a better MUNer thank you. And I still remember your words from MACMUN, and thank you for saying all of those to me. I'm glad we got a chance to work together, and hopefully we'll do again in the future.

Aditi: Dudeeeeeee, Don't stupid. OF COURSE you're my good friend, and NOTHING about business. You're my epic-most friend. Or else humisha mein tere saath MUNs kyun karta? And I swear I thought of you and then slipped on it. And few more people, I'm sure few are offended already. Anywho, Aditi Agrawal, thank you SOOOOOOOOOO much for being such an EPIC friend. You have accepted me as I am, even without knowing me. And I have shared so many of my secrets with you. I'm just so glad I know someone like you. I mean it, and I'm sorry for missing.


Sameer: Oh bro, I missed you out on this. Damn, sorry. Well I still remember meeting you at Khalsa, we were both sitting there pretty  much clueless, especially me. Ha, I think this was the only good thing that came out of that tiring, relentless exhaustion of the ECA trials. And we met few times afterwards, was quite the chiller. I shall keep on trying to hitch you up with my friends, I'm sure someday it'll work. :) . Till then make sure you shave. Haha, thanks for being such a stud mate. :)


Taruni: And last but not the least, and I have saving your for the last. (I'm so scared to 'write' anything also, you scare me). But you have no idea how much I love you, and I know you do to, that's why I let you push me around. :p . Again, thank you so much for taking care of me during Brainwiz, it was really special, and of course, hanging out and all. Like Asia, I have learnt so much from your and it's just great that I have people like you in my life. Stay in touch. :) . Always.



And a very Happy new years to you all. ;)
Okay, If I have missed you, and YOU KNOW I GIVE A DAMN, don't take offense, I just must've slipped. Of course you know I care, so tell me, I'd edit the note. Thank you Aditi, don't you DARE feel hurt. Cause you know I care. :)